


Total Eclipse of the Heart

by shieldmaidenofdarkness



Category: Star Wars Episode IIIV: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Episode IIV: The Force Awakens, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Blind Date, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Kylo doesn't know how to socially interact with anyone, Mutual Pining, Parties, Slow Burn, double-date
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-04-05 16:25:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 30,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14048214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shieldmaidenofdarkness/pseuds/shieldmaidenofdarkness
Summary: Ben and Rey are done with being set up by their mutual friend Poe. So when they end up on a date together and suprisingly don't hate each other, Rey proposes a scheme for payback. Pretending to be in a relationship never hurt anybody, right?_______________________________"So, to give Poe some nightmares... We pretend." She took a deep breath. "We pretend to be together. But way over the top. I'm talking the most obnoxious couple you can think of. Times ten. Like - engagement after a few weeks kind of obnoxious."Her eyes glinted as she told him her masterplan."Uhm... what?" Was all he could bring out._______________________________I will totally add more tags, as this story progresses. I have a rough plan on how this will go, but mostly this is an on-the-go-thing.





	1. Blind Date

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome, my friends.  
> First of all: thanks for checking in. :)
> 
> I DO have a plan for this, it's not fully fleshed out though. I was actually working on another fic (that I'll get to you soon, hopefully), when this idea hit me and I just had to write it.
> 
> So yeah, enjoy!
> 
>  
> 
> Oh yeah, the title of this piece is stolen from the song. Which I love. I'm currently obsessed with the cover-version of Jill Andrews.  
> I'm planning on some slow-burn/mutual-pining-dynamic, so that song actually fits pretty well. :)
> 
> Again: enjoy!
> 
> //Update on 3/22/18: fixed some minor typos and some of those commas

Ben had no idea how he had actually ended up on this blind date. He _really_ didn't want to go, he had no interest in dating, let alone dating someone, he knew nothing about.

He was cursing his former college-roommate Poe under his breath. It had taken Poe weeks of endless bickering and nagging, until Ben had finally given up. The plan was to just sit through that date, be an absolute ass and be done with it. That would teach Poe not to set him up again.

Or so he thought.

At first it had gotten worse, but Ben figured that sometimes it had to get worse, before it got better.

Ben was late - on purpose, but when he got to the café, he was the only customer. He had ordered a drink - black coffee - and sat down in a corner, where he had the entrance in sight.

While waiting and absent mindedly sipping his coffee, he pulled out his phone and opened tindr. Not that he had any interest on meeting with someone on this app, but he figured that this would help to get the point across to his date.

When she finally turned up, he cursed Poe again. She was pretty, wearing her hair in a half-bun-half-loose-style and dressed in a beautiful floral summer dress. Her jacket and bag dangled from her arm. But she was _young_. She looked like she was a freshman in college - max.

"I'm Rey. You're Ben, right?"

He shot her a death-glare at that. "I go by Kylo, actually. You're late."

"Yeah, my bike hit a flat tire. I would have texted-"

"That wasn't a question," Ben interrupted her, aggressively swiping right on some random women on his phone. It was match. Of course.

He had a feeling of being watched, and when he raised his head to look at Rey, he was greeted with angry eyes and a furrowed brow. One vein on her forehead actually looked like it might pop. Not that he didn't expect her to be pissed - that was kind of the point - but he hadn't expected _this_ kind of rage in her expression.

"You know what, _Kylo_." Rey spat his name as if it were venom. "I actually don't want to be on this _date_. But unlike _others_ , I'm not a total dickhead. I can pull myself together and actually act like a decent human being. Maybe you should try that some time."

With that, she rose from her seat, slammed her hands onto the tabletop and turned around to leave.

Ben was shocked. Did she really just do that?

Before he could stop the words from leaving his mouth, he grumbled a "Fine, wait."

Rey turned around and looked at him, eyebrows raised as if she was waiting for something. Clearly, she was losing her patience, because she began to zip up her jacket, shaking her head slightly.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled.

If it was possible, Reys eyebrows raised even more. "Come again?"

 _Ugh_. He sighed. "I'm sorry. Ok. I'll stop being such an ass."

That apparently was enough for Rey, as she unzipped her jacket and slowly sank to her chair.

"Great," was her answer. She still sounded a bit pissed.

"Sooo," Ben started.

"Sooo?"

"Why did Poe set you up?" She looked pretty enough, surely she had a lot of suitors. Not that he would ever tell her that, otherwise she would get the wrong ideas. Like he was actually interested in her. Or dating in general. Well, tindr on his phone might give that impression of anyway.

"He thought I was lonely." She sighed. "I dunno. I think it's some kind of a hobby for him? It's not the first time, he tried..."

"Oh yeah, I get that. I've known him for years and he tries it about twice a month."

The hint of a smile formed on Rey's face at that, but she didn't reply, and they sat there in silence. When the waiter came to take Rey's order, she asked for a large hot chocolate with whipped cream and sprinkles. It was Ben's turn to raise an eyebrow at that.

"What?" she asked, sounding offended.

"Nothing," he chuckled, trying to suppress his smirk. "It's just... you seem young. And your order just confirmed that."

"Excuse you? Hot chocolate doesn't have an age-limit, ok?"

"Hot chocolate doesn't, but _sprinkles_ do. How old are you? 12?"

"Says the grandpa. Did you actually invent the wheel?" She was quick to throw his insults right back at him, he would give her that. But Ben was good at ignoring things, excellent actually. So, he just ignored the small part of him, that actually enjoyed the conversation with Rey. And her cute freckles. And her hazel eyes. Damn it.

"I'm 31, thank you very much," he shot back. "As you should know, since Poe was my roommate and he _never_ fails to mention that, does he?" Oh, Poe was so going to pay for this. He would just have to figure out a way.

"Too bad, my rule doesn't apply then," she muttered more to herself than to him.

"What rule?" Ben found himself leaning a bit over the table towards her. Which gave him a better look on her face. Which he was totally not staring at.

"Ah, it's nothing," Rey mumbled, a slight blush creeping onto her cheeks. She was suddenly very interested in her hands and was visibly relieved, when the waiter brought her drink.

But Ben had never been one to let anything go. So, when the waiter left them, he asked her again. "What rule? Don't date _old_ guys?"

"So, you admit it then - you're old!"

"Nice try, Rey. Don't try to change the subject." He _really_ enjoyed how her name rolled over his tongue. The part of him, he was ignoring (as if that was working so well), wanted to say her name over and over again.

Rey sighed reluctantly - a sound he _really_ tried not to like.

"Fine... I don't know, it started when I was 16 or so. A friend was dating this guy, who could have easily been her father. And ever since, I have this rule - not to date anyone who could be your parent. It just feels gross."

Well, that rule actually made sense. So, Ben found himself nodding in agreement. Not realizing that he was staring again, only looking away, when Rey raised one eyebrow in question.

"Uhm well, how old are you then, Rey?" He tried to distract from himself.

"Actually, I turned 21 last month," she answered with her no-bullshit-attitude.

 

Somewhere around their second drink Ben's phone started buzzing. Apparently his tindr-match from earlier had decided to take matters into her own hands and sent him texts like "u up?" and "wanna hookup now?".

Ben - who had totally forgotten about that - didn't know what to do and frowned in desperation. Maybe he should just uninstall the app? He really hoped, Rey wouldn't notice.

But who was he kidding? Of course, she noticed. In fact, she was snatching his phone out of his hand and raised a hand to silence him, when he opened his mouth to protest.

She was smashing her fingers onto the screen, then pausing to snap a selfie? What was happening?

With a wicked smile, she handed him his phone back.

"There. 'Bazine' won't bother you anymore." She sounded very content with herself.

Ben's eyes wandered slowly from Rey's bright smile to the screen of his phone, where they widened, when he realized what she'd done.

"You didn't," he let out with amazement.

"Yeah. I did."

_Listen, Bazine. I don't know who you are, or what you want. But if you ever contact my fiancé again, I will find you and I will make your life a living hell._

Attached was the selfie, Rey had taken of herself. She was sporting a look in her eyes, that would make babies cry. A look, that had the potential to freeze said hell.

He couldn't decide, if she was looking beautiful despite or because of that look.

"Wow... I mean, thank you!" He felt his cheeks blushing and didn't know why or how to stop it.

"I thought you might be little bit too young for _Taken_?" _Nice save_ , he thought. _Maybe try not insulting her?_

"There is no age-limit to classics, my friend." She winked at him, and Ben thought, his heart might stop. It didn't though, and he found himself blushing again.

 

By the time, they finished their third round of drinks, they had found out that they had a lot more in common than they had thought. Rey kept checking her phone for the time, though. It really shouldn't surprise him or affect him in any way. She had made it very clear from the beginning, that she wasn't interested in him. And although he had forgotten his own agenda throughout the afternoon, it came rushing back to him. He didn't date. Ever. And that hadn't changed. That wouldn't change. It was simply a thing he didn't do. Period.

"Yeah, I'm sorry if I'm keeping you from something. You should go or something," he mumbled, not quite sure why he sounded a bit hurt.

"No, no, it's not your fault. It's just that I have a shift to work in an hour, so, yeah - I probably _should_ be going." Rey offered him somewhat of an apologetic smile as she rose.

Ben rose to his feet, mimicking Rey. "For what it's worth... I _did_ enjoy myself today," Ben said, before he could stop himself. "Not that I'm gonna tell that Poe," he quickly added.

A series of emotions danced across Rey's face, finally settling on a wicked smirk.

"Yeah... _unless_..." Her voice trailed off, but it was drenched with mischief.

"Unless what? What are you thinking?" He didn't care how eager he sounded - this could be the payback Poe deserved.

"Ok, listen," Rey told him, suddenly very serious, while resuming her seat. Ben slumped down across the table and rested his hands on the table.

"Promise to hear me out."

He nodded.

"Ok. Look. I don't do dating, you don't do dating. I can't speak for you - but I'd like to keep it that way."

He nodded gain. She was right.

"So, to give Poe some nightmares... We _pretend_." She took a deep breath. "We pretend to be together. But way over the top. I'm talking the most obnoxious couple you can think of. Times ten. Like - engagement after a few weeks kind of obnoxious."

Her eyes glinted as she told him her masterplan.

"Uhm... what?" Was all he could bring out.

" _Think about it_. We're making this insufferable for him. He will learn his lesson and _never_ try setting one of us up." She was clearly very convinced of her plan. "And _that_ doesn't work, we'll just 'break up' and it will be the worst breakup ever. That would buy us about ... a year of blind-date-free time."

Ben hated to admit it, but... that plan could actually work. And he certainly had nothing to lose.

"Deal."

 


	2. Mission Starkiller

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, you guys!  
> I am overwhelmed with the feedback and the love and just wow. Thank you so much!  
> Your words mean so much to me!

Rey asked herself two questions.

 _One:_ Why had she proposed a fake relationship?

 _Two:_ Why hadn't she started one years ago?

She could have avoided so many awkward and unwanted questions. _Why are you single? Why don't you date? What's wrong with you? Why don't you want a boyfriend?_ To name only a few.

Countless times she had to justify her singleness, as if something was wrong with her. Growing up in foster care with no stable home or a family, Rey often felt lonely. Most of the time it wasn't a problem for her – she had a few reliable friends that she could trust, but her upbringing had resulted in Rey building a wall around herself. She found it hard, to let new people in, to trust them. Her experience was, that they would leave her anyway sooner or later. With trust being the fundament for a healthy and functional relationship building one was more than difficult.

So, when Rey had her heart broken again, she decided to just not date anymore. She could make it on her own – she didn’t need anyone to rely on. Most of her life she had been alone, and even trying to build a relationship had gotten her nothing but more pain. So, if she didn’t date, she wouldn’t fall for anyone, she wouldn’t be left again, she wouldn’t have her heart broken. No date, no boyfriend, no heartbreak. But a lot of questions.

She knew, that Poe had only meant well, when he had set her up for the blind date with his friend from college. It had taken him quite some time until he had worn Rey down and she agreed to meet him.

He had been so excited when Rey had finally given in, that Rey had felt guilt clench around her heart. Of course, that had only lasted for a minute, but it hurt nonetheless. She didn’t like lying to her friends, but maybe, if the date went badly, he would leave her alone.

The date itself... didn't go as expected. Rey had a battleplan for the date - of course. She was a pro at staying single.

The plan was easy: turn up late with a shady excuse, do all the things you shouldn't do on a first date, and never see him again. Rey had invested time and work into this plan, researched magazine articles online that were originally meant to help people _not_ fail at dates.

 _Do not be gross_. Ha, Rey was an expert at being gross. She _had_ manners, but her date didn’t need to know that, right?

 _Do not eat garlic_. Too bad that Rey loved spaghetti aglio e olio. Which she had for lunch that day.

 _Do not start talking marriage and children_. Well, Rey wasn’t planning on children anytime soon, but again – her date didn’t need to know that, right?

 _Do not talk about past relationships_. Oh, she would totally.

The list went on and on, some tips were less helpful (do not smoke, do not go on a date drunk, do not take your kids with you) others were… very helpful (do not go out with dirty clothes, do not flirt with other people, do not tell your date you are in love – that was her last straw, if nothing else worked).

It really shouldn't be a surprise - but then plan had failed majestically.

Turning up late had worked well, but Kylo (or Ben, which she still used when thinking of him) had been insufferable. So much so that Rey had snapped in a matter of seconds and told him off.

As it turned out, Ben had a similar plan for the worst blind date in the history of mankind.

That had somehow resulted in a surprisingly pleasant conversation and Rey soon found that she didn't totally hate him.

So, when the end of the date had come, she proposed the fake relationship - mostly to get back at Poe and teach him a lesson.

While telling Ben her plan though, she had realized that this could have been the solution to her problem for years - if she had only thought about it earlier. Fake relationship with fake boyfriend equals no questions about why she was single. Brilliant.

They had exchanged numbers that evening and decided on meeting the next morning to lay down some ground rules.

Obviously, none of them would date anyone else - not that one of them wanted to anyway, but it wouldn’t work with them flirting with other people, while pretending to be in a loving relationship.

They would text each other - especially if Poe was around. But also, to keep each other up to date about the progress of _Mission Starkiller_ , as Rey had called it.

To avoid unnecessary awkwardness, they would try and keep actually meeting to a minimum. Poe would obviously want a double-date with the two and his boyfriend Finn at one point, but other than that, there wasn't really any need to meet in person - let alone fake a relationship and presenting intimacies in public. If it wasn’t avoidable, they would go through with it – they had agreed on holding hands and putting an arm around each other and – if there was no way around it – kisses on the mouth. It seemed appropriate to them – they would say that they liked to keep these things private. This would also fit in with Rey’s usual behavior – as she wasn’t one to make out with a guy in public.

 

So, when Rey went over to Poe and Finn the day after the date, she was well prepared and eager to make her friend suffer.

Poe's face lit up, when he saw her, and he didn't even greet her, before asking "Soooo? How did your date gooo?"

"Hello to you too, Poe," Rey sighed, before slumping down on the leather couch in Poe's living-room. When Rey wasn’t studying or working, she spent most of her time in their apartment. So much so, that it felt like a second home to her. As usual, it didn't take Beebee long to climb onto her lap and purr himself to sleep. It always made her smile when the orange tabby cat preferred her to his owners.

Poe sat down on the armchair next to the couch, while Finn sat next to Rey, bumping his elbow into her side to encourage her, wiggling his brows.

The game was on.

"I'm so mad at you, Poe!" Rey gave her voice an accusing tone and shot her friend a death-glare, while she scratched the purring cat behind it's ears.

"What? Why? Was he an asshole again?" Poe frowned. "Of course, ... that idiot! I'm sorry, Rey. He can be nice, but he's mostly... not. I thought, that he had changed." He gave her an apologizing look.

Rey faked confusion and raised her eyebrows. "What are you talking about? He was the perfect gentleman!"

"Huh?" Now it was Poe, who was confused. "Then why are you mad?"

"You didn't tell me, that he's that hot!" Rey chirped, letting her voice pitch higher than it usually was. She hoped, that he wouldn't notice and wouldn't see through her acting-skills.

"He's so hooooooooooooooot," Rey repeated, stretching the word out. "And the date was amazing. We totally hit it off, it just clicked." Rey sighed theatrically.

"We have the same taste in movies and he's so funny and those eyes! I could drown in them," Rey went on. I'm sure sounding like a teenager with the biggest crush in history....

Judging from his facial expression, Poe didn't know what to make of this. After a brief moment, he voiced as much. "I... uhm... Are you sure? Ben usually isn't... funny."

Rey rolled her eyes.

"Well, must be the company then, because the Kylo I met was very funny," Rey insisted, using his new name in some kind of protest. "We've been texting all night, we met for coffee this morning and we're meeting again tomorrow!"

"That's great, Peanut," blurted Finn, but sounded not so convinced himself.

Rey smiled at that. Her friendship with Finn had been the only constant in her life for a long time and the first person, she could really trust. He was her best and oldest friend and they always been there for each other.

They had met in middle school, both kids in foster care. Finn had immediately liked Rey and decided that they would be friends from now on - but Rey had taken some time, until she truly trusted him. Although Finn had to move when they were 17 - and it had broken her heart at first - Finn had proven to be a true friend and stayed in contact, until the two reunited in college.

Rey and Finn were always supportive of each other and she had been there, when he had met Poe. Although it had hurt her at first and she still felt a bit jealous of Poe from time to time - not romantically, but Rey had a constant fear of people leaving her behind -, she had encouraged Finn to let himself fall for Poe.

"Just take it slow, okay? But I'm happy that the date went well," Poe tried, sounding like he almost meant it.

"Hey! First you set me up and now you try to talk me out of it?" This time, Rey didn't need to fake her emotions - she actually was offended. Did he not trust her to make the right decision?

"No, no, I didn't mean it like that," Poe assured her. "It's just... I don't want you to get hurt. He is a great guy - I wouldn't have set you up otherwise. Just don't rush into anything you're not ready for."

Oh great, not this again, Rey thought.

"Yes, dad," Rey sighed, rolling her eyes for good measure.

Finn burst into laughter at Rey snarky answer.

"You know, you _do_ have a few grey hairs," Finn chuckled. "You are getting old, honey."

"I'm not!"

"You are, but you know I have a thing for older guys." Finn winked, and Rey made a sound of disgust. "Should I give you guys some room?"

"Nah, it's alright, Peanut. We had sex before you came over." Now both Finn and Poe were chuckling.

"Guys! I don't want the details! Please, stop! Finn, you're my brother, that's disgusting!"

Rey tried to keep a straight face, but as usual – she couldn’t hold it for long and all three of them burst into laughter, until their sides hurt.

Later, when they were watching some show on Netflix, Rey pulled out her phone texted Ben.

> Mission Starkiller initiated. Phase 1 complete.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am trying to post once a week, but there are some changes ahead in my personal life, so I'm not sure if I can keep up that schedule (also, obviously as of this day, I posted twice in one week, so yeah, don't listen to what I say).
> 
> I DO enjoy writing this, though, and I have a rough plan, where I want to take this. I didn't plot this out, it's more make-up-as-you-go-along, but yeah, I'm not without a plan. :)
> 
> I will try and make the chapters longer in the future - but I always struglled with making stories long. But I'm working on this, sooo hopefully they will get longer as the story progresses. :)
> 
> Alsooooo, I'm changing the rating to explicit, because well, there will be smut at one point. :p
> 
> Thank you again for reading!
> 
>  
> 
> Alsoooo, you can find me on tumblr: @shieldmaidenfreda


	3. You better behave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys!  
> The feedback has been overwhelming! I am so grateful! Your words keep me going and I can't thank you enough! *imaginary hugs for everyone*

Kylo hadn't expected to go the fake-dating so smoothly.

He _had_ however expected constant questions from Poe, had expected to get caught in the lie rather quickly. But even meeting his oldest friend in person didn't cause any problems. The topic had only come up for a minute and ended after Kylo telling him, that he was looking forward to seeing Rey again. It still amazed him, how easily Poe had eaten that lie.

Rey had apparently done excellent work in setting the fake relationship up. With Rey being close friends with Poe's boyfriend, it had quickly become clear that her part was the lion's share of _Mission Starkiller_ and Kylo wasn’t mad about it. Poe was off his back, better even: headed straight to revenge, and Kylo didn’t have to do anything for it.

She would text him at least every other day with the newest updates, so that they would have the same information and wouldn't contradict each other when talking to Poe.

After their "date" and the meeting after, where they had talked about the details and ground rules of their alliance, they actually hadn't seen each other in person again.

But somewhere between the first week and today, Kylo had noticed a tiny voice in the back of his head. It kept whispering to him, gnawing at his skull. He did fairly well with ignoring it, distracting himself with work, but lately that voice had gotten a bit more... nagging.

Of course, there had been the initial attraction he had felt when he had first met her. But with her witty and entertaining texts, he found himself ... almost smitten. _Almost_. The voice inside his head insisted that he was drawn to her, but Kylo did his best to shut the voice out.

Fortunately, work was hell at the moment, his days filled with meetings and paperwork, making it easier to shut the voice out.

And yet, Rey's texts... they were a distraction and his salvation at the same time. Without them, he would have easily thrown an anger tantrum every day. And although he kept telling himself, that theirs was an almost professional arrangement, that they were basically business partners, he found himself looking forward to her texts.

With a heavy sigh, Kylo tried to lose that train of thought and concentrate on work. Being the CFO of a Fortune 500 company, the upcoming merger was a living nightmare. But work was all he had - and all he cared about, and he wouldn’t have it any other way. He barely had the time or the energy to make friends, to go out and meet people.

And just when he found his motivation again, his phone buzzed.

His head jerked upwards and his eyes flew to his phone, placed on the coffee table in front of him - just like he had for the past few weeks.

By the frequency of buzzing, Kylo almost thought that someone was calling him, but when he checked, the display showed a series of new messages from Rey. Of course. Lately it appeared to be always Rey who texted him.

Kylo could feel a small frown form on his face as he reached for the phone and punched in his code to unlock it. Usually she would send him one or two texts, three at most. Never... _six_. His frown intensified. Had they been caught? He opened the chat, his heart hammering in anticipation and fear.

 

> Hey
> 
> We need to talk
> 
> It's important
> 
> We might have a problem
> 
> Poe wants a double date
> 
> Can we meet?

 

_Oh_.

 

Sure, he wasn't _opposed_ to see her again, but... But _what,_ exactly? Apart from work, there was no _but_ , was there? Surely, they could meet, talk it over and then arrange for one double-date with Poe and his boyfriend.

That would be two meetings, one to talk things over, one with the actual double-date. It wasn't like he had no time in his schedule for other things, right? Two appointments were manageable. Two appointments he could handle. After that, they could go back to imaginary dates, as they had before, telling Poe they’d actually met.

After carefully choosing what to reply, he typed the words.

 

> Yeah, sure
> 
> Lunch tomorrow?

 

He had to eat, anyway. He was quickly typing the next text, before she could even reply to his first two texts.

 

> You know the Cantina? Meet me there at 1pm tomorrow

 

Kylo waited anxiously for her reply, drumming his fingers impatiently on his leg. _Like a teenage boy_. When his phone buzzed again, he jumped and had to type in his code two times, because his hands were shaking. _Why_ am _I acting like a little boy?_

 

> Alright

 

He stared at the word. _Huh_. That was a first. Why was she being so laconic? Maybe he had been too forward. Just a moment ago she had bombarded him with texts. That had to be it, right? Clearly, he fucked things up again, as always.

Then came another.

 

> The food better be good

 

Kylo felt the corners of his mouth tug upwards. For once, it seemed as if he hadn’t fucked up after all. His phone buzzed again.

 

> You better behave
> 
> ;)

 

The hint of a smile formed into a full-on grin. Something he hadn't experienced in a long time.

It was accompanied by a hint of panic. Social interactions were _very much_ not his forte. Most of his conversation was based around work, which was no problem at all. Numbers, business, cold hard facts - that was his area of expertise.

Not texting with a charming, young woman. Not texting with his supposed girlfriend. Sure, they had laid down some ground-rules, but those were regarding their fake relationship. Not their interactions outside of that. Was there some unwritten law how to behave in a situation like that?

Kylo felt himself frown again. Another thing he was experiencing often lately.

He took a deep breath and typed his answer.

 

> Or what?
> 
> ;)

 

He felt himself drawn into a whirlwind of emotions again. He didn't do dating. She was his fake girlfriend. He was busy with work. And yet... he couldn't stop himself. He blamed her, partly. Why did she have to be so ... intoxicating? So addictive? So pretty, so witty, so... amazing. _You sound like a love-struck fool. You only met her twice. You know nothing about her. What's wrong with you?_

His phone buzzed again, and Kylo felt his heart skip a beat. Treacherous thing.

 

> Oh, don't worry - I'll think of a fitting punishment for you ;)

 

Oh. He felt the tips of his ear burning.

Before he could even begin to think about an answer that wasn't out of line or rude or otherwise inappropriate, but at the same time maybe funny, she texted him again.

 

> Sorry, gotta go  
>  Afternoon seminar  
>  ttyl

 

Back to work, then. But now, it didn't seem as exhausting and draining as before. It might have been the smile, that wouldn't move from his face. Or the fact, that he actually was looking forward to seeing her again.

So, when Kylo fell onto his bed that night - absolutely exhausted and his brain not much more than porridge - he fell asleep with a smile on his face. For the first time in forever, he didn't have nightmares, but dreamed of a pair of beautiful hazel eyes.

 

____________________

 

When he walked into the Cantina the next day, Rey was already seated on a table in the back. He wasn't late, but apparently Rey had arrived early - and was reading a book, obviously lost in it. Placed in the middle of the table was a plate, loaded with different sandwiches.

Kylo approached the table carefully and cleared his throat.

A smile tugged at his mouth when her head jerked up and her cheeks darkened with the blush that crept onto her face.

"Hey," Rey mumbled, closing her book and putting it aside.

"Hey." He sat down across from Rey and gave her a once-over. She was wearing a grey hoodie, her hair in the same half-bun-half-down-style as the last time. The blush on her cheeks made her face glow and her eyes sparkle.

"What are you reading?" His eyes never left hers.

Rey didn't answer, but she reciprocated his gaze, her lips slightly parted. Why did she have to be absolutely stunning? He felt the urge to cup her face with his hands and kiss each and every freckle, but somehow resisted that urge.

"Rey?"

"Uhm what?" Her blush intensified and Kylo felt a little bit smug for it.

"I asked what you're reading," he smiled softly at her.

"Oh, uhm," Reys stuttered. She dropped her eyes to the book and fumbled with the cover. "It's actually for school. Mechanical engineering." She smiled and raised her eyes to meet his. “I already ordered, I hope it’s ok with you.” Rey pointed to the plate and Kylo gave her a small nod.

He opened his mouth to say something, but when saw the surprised expression on his face, Rey raised her hand to stop him from it.

"I know what you're gonna say. Girls don't do mechanics. But you know what, this one does."

She sounded like she was constantly questioned about her choice to study engineering. Like she was fed up with it. Like she had to constantly prove herself and she was sick of it.

It made him smile all the more.

"I wasn't going to say that," he chuckled. "Actually, I think it's quite fitting."

Rey crossed her arms at that and arched an eyebrow.

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Her tone was very defensive.

"Rey. It's supposed to mean that I think you're one determined, smart woman, who isn't taking shit from anybody."

Her other eyebrow went up. "And why would you think that?

Kylo frowned. "Look, we don't know each other that well, but from what I've seen - you're pretty amazing." The words were out, before he could stop himself. "I mean, I'm sure you're kicking ass. You're probably at the top of the class, right?" _Nice save._

Rey huffed, then relaxed slightly and lowered her arms. "I'm one of the best, yes. But you wouldn't believe how often I get to hear that I can't do it, just because I have a vagina – it’s not a disability, okay? Or that I'm only getting good grades, because my teachers take pity on me - or worse."

He offered an apologetic smile. "I had to jump through some hoops myself - not that it compares to your experience - but, yeah, I get people talking shit about you. But you can do it, Rey. I believe in you." He didn't know how it had gotten to this, but he wanted to protect her - from everything really. Not that she needed protection, but...

She stared right into his soul - at least it felt that way - and worried her bottom lip. Time seemed to be frozen, but then Rey shook her head and it sped up, to make up for the moment.

"Anyway, back to business," Rey expertly changed the subject. "Poe wants a double-date. He suggested it yesterday, you know how insistent he can be. I told him, that I'd have to check with you, but we can only avoid it for so long."

"Yeah, I agree. It's probably better if we get this over with quickly," he agreed, almost missing how Rey slightly frowned for a second at his words. But as quickly as the emotion had flickered onto her face, it vanished again, leaving no trace. "I can make time, this weekend. Work is hell right now, but just tell me when and where, and I'll be there." He added a small smile for good measure - his word might have sounded a bit harsh, Kylo realized.

"I think it's best, if we stick to holding hands and cuddling on the double-date," Rey went on, her face still stony. "I'm usually not one to be ... intimate in public, so that would be fitting."

"You do realize, that at some point we probably have to at least kiss, right?" What was with him today? The words all came out the wrong way and before he could stop himself. If he kept this up, Rey would surely think him creep and break their arrangement off.

"Yeah. I know. I just don't want to make this more awkward than necessary," Rey mumbled, suddenly finding her sandwich very interesting and blushing all over again.

Did she find him ... repulsive? Or was it his words again?

Rey only shook her head again, abruptly standing up and gathering her things.

"Well, I'll text you with the details. Gotta go now."

And with that, she left him alone, storming out like she had forgotten to turn off her stove and just remembered.

Later that day, his phone buzzed with another text from Rey.

> The food was good, btw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back, my friends!  
> I am very sorry about the delay, but life got in the way.  
> Also I am not 100% happy with the flow of this chapter, but after staring at it for hours, I just wanted it to get out there.
> 
> One of the previously mentioned changes in my personal life actually happened and I am now a proud cat-lady.
> 
> I know, that this is not a lot of plot yet, somehow it feels like nothing has happened yet, but i PROMISE, that some things will happen in the next chapter. Therefore it will be hopefully a tat longer than the previous chapters. :)


	4. Recipe for disaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The infamous double-date Poe wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back, my friends!  
> Thank you so, so much for your comments and kudos and support!  
> I am forever gratefull!  
> Your words mean so much to me, and they give me the motivation and reason to carry on with this.  
> So, as a thank-you from me: take this extra long chapter (lol, i know, in comparison to some maniacs ( i love you) on here, this is tiny, but yeah. The longest so far for this fic.  
> I hope you'll enjoy this :)

Today was the day.

The day on which Rey’s acting skills would be tested in front of a live audience – her best friends. It had been three weeks since that first date, the one set up by Poe. Three weeks, since she and Ben had formed an alliance to teach their shared friend a lesson. For three weeks, she had acted like she was absolutely in love with him, but today would be different. Today she would have an acting partner and they would have to play the loving not-quite-couple. In front of her best and oldest friends. In front of the people, who were her family. Who hadn't seen her so much as consider dating - in years.

If that wasn’t a recipe for disaster, then what was?

Considering that she had never had an actual relationship. Sure, she had dated, but it had never ended in a relationship. And apart from making out she had no experience in being intimate – let alone in public. And even her expertise in making out was … limited, to say the least. Rey knew the theoretical fundamentals and it wasn’t like she had never touched herself or watched a movie meant for adults – but that was entirely different.

But today there was a very real chance, that she would be making out with a guy, who she wasn’t dating. Who she knew next to nothing about. Who was ten years older than her. With her two best friends, who knew _her_ in and out.

A recipe for disaster indeed.

It wasn’t like Ben wasn't attractive – oh no, on the contrary. That sure as hell was not a problem. And it wasn’t like she didn't know what she had coming, when she proposed their little play. But in the rush of excitement, she hadn't really … thought about all that came with it. Too late, to back out now.

Ever since Poe decided, that they absolutely should go on a double-date, Rey was haunted by the thought of making out with Ben. She would be lying, if she said she wasn't attracted to him.

After their first two meetings, she had even begun texting him. At first, they were regarding her progress with _Mission Starkiller_ , but she genuinely liked to talk to him. Originally it felt a bit weird, like she shouldn’t text him with anything apart from that. She had proposed a professional relationship after all. But Rey just couldn’t stop herself, so she continued texting him.

She had learned a bit about him, what he was doing for work and he didn’t have the best relationship with his parents. She had gotten a feeling for his sense of humor, but apart from that, he wasn’t very forthcoming and always working.

This … thing had an expiration date from the beginning, so there was no way, she would get hurt, right? They wanted the same thing after all, and a relationship was definitely not what either of them wanted. So, Rey began to tell herself that she wanted to make a friend of her partner in crime. That wouldn’t hurt, would it?

Her thoughts were racing, when she stood before the mirror in her bedroom, deciding what to wear. She was agitated, and she told herself that it was just the role that was getting to her. If she were dating Ben for real, if this wasn't fake, she would be excited and giddy, right? She would change her mind a thousand times on what to wear, just like every girl before a date. Rey must have become too in sync with the role – and she was convinced that that was all there was. Or at least she was trying to convince herself.

As an unpleasant addition came the pressure of delivering a convincing performance. What would be expected of her to war to a double-date? Nothing to sexy – but that wasn’t a problem since her closet consisted mostly out of comfortable clothes. Certainly nothing she would wear on a daily basis. Or the blazer she had bought for job interviews and oral exams.

Over the years, Finn had forced her to buy one or two pieces that she wouldn’t have bought on her own. Like the dress with the floral print she had worn to the blind date with Ben. She also owned a few different skirts, all thanks to Finn. Rey was more of a jeans-and-hoodie kind of girl.

She had gone through her closet five times at this point and still didn't know what to wear.

Rey finally gave up, texted Finn, who – at this point – new her closet by heart. Asking him for advice would also help to convince him and Poe of her act.

> Help
> 
> I have nothing to wear

His response came not in form of a text, but an immediate phone call.

“Hey peanut!”

“Hey, Finn!”

“What did you try on already?” Rey was sure to hear a suppressed chuckle in his voice.

“Everything!” That earned her an honest giggle from her best friend.

“No, seriously, I've been through my closet like five times, I have _nothing_ to wear!” She didn't even had to try to let herself sound panicky.

“Peanut, relax. I know exactly what you'll be wearing tonight!” The mischief in his voice surely was a good sign, right?

  

When Rey stumbled into their usual bar, everyone else was already there. Finn and Poe were sitting next to each other in their usual booth, across from them and with his back towards Rey sat Ben. All of the boys were dressed rather casually, and Rey cursed Finn under her breath. She suddenly felt way overdressed in the outfit he had made her wear.

Finn had somehow convinced her to wear that tight faux leather skirt, he had made her buy a year ago and which she had never worn. They had combined the skirt with a simple white blouse, and a pair of simple black ankle boots. It so wasn’t something she would wear like ever, and she was way overdressed, but she had to admit – it looked kinda cool. She wore her hair open for once and had managed to create some waves, to give her hair texture. Rey wasn’t one for jewelry, so her only accessories was a small purse, which housed her ID, phone, keys and some cash.

Her friends had noticed her entrance into the bar and were waving at her to come over. The expression on their faces made her feel even more uncomfortable. Oh, this was going to be a disaster.

Rey swallowed hard and went over to their booth, reluctantly.

It had taken her quite some time to persuade Poe to have their date at Kanata’s. They would meet there at least every other week and Rey felt very comfortable in the bar, so she figured that it would help her relax on the double date.

“Hey guys,” was all she mumbled, while she felt the blood rush to her cheeks.

Ben turned to greet her, and it took him a moment to get his face back under control. But for that moment, he looked like he had seen a miracle happen right in front of him. She could see how he was giving himself a mental shake, before he croaked out his greeting. “Hello Rey.” Huh, that was an interesting turn of events. Rey usually didn’t have that kind of effect on guys.

“We already ordered a pitcher and fries for everyone,” Finn said to break the tension. “Should be here any minute now.”

Rey nodded and bit her lip, when she saw him form a silent ‘you look hot’ with his mouth. It made her blush more, if that was even possible.

She turned to Ben – who had not taken his eyes of her – and smirked. “You gonna scoot over any time soon or are you making me sit on your lap already?”

She had no idea, how she sounded so confident or why it felt so good to be that bold, but it got one hell of a reaction – from all of the boys.

Finn's mouth dropped open, Poe let out a choked giggle and Ben… Ben turned every shade of red, with an expression on his face as if she had spoken in a foreign language to him.

She raised an eyebrow at him. “Well? I'm not gonna stand here all evening!”

Without taking his eyes of her, he scooted over slowly, making room for her.

“Thank you.” Oh, she was enjoying this. Maybe this wouldn’t be a disaster after all.

“You're welcome.”

Rey made a mental note to thank Finn for choosing her outfit. It suddenly didn’t seem so bad and she actually enjoyed how it made her fake-not-quite-boyfriend act like a mental wreck. Of course, would be all “See?” and “You should wear that more often” about, but that was price Rey was willing to pay.

Soon after the waitress brought the pitcher of beer and a giant plate of Fries and while the boys still stared at her in amazement, Rey gladly dug in. These were easily the best fries in town and Rey was starting. The nervousness before this double date had her stomach closed and she hadn't eaten all day. She wasn't planning on drinking a lot of beer today, just some to loosen up, so she ordered herself a coke.

 

 The evening was progressing rather well, in any case better than expected. The four of them were chatting away, Poe and Ben were catching up on work and family stuff and gossiped about former classmates, while Rey and Finn were complaining about the upcoming exams.

After the first glass of beer, Rey had stuck to her coke to keep her mind clear. It had certainly helped with loosening up, and she found her place next to Ben quite comfortable. After his initial shock, he had apparently pulled himself together and loosened up as well.

When they had finished the plate of fries, Rey had ordered herself a jumbo milkshake – her standard dessert every time they were here. Finn and Poe shared the lava cake and Ben didn’t order any dessert, which earned him three raised eyebrows and shaking heads. “I’m just not a sweet tooth, okay? Don’t hate me for it.”

“Uhm, excuse you? Who doesn’t like dessert?” Finn sounded earnestly offended, as if renouncing dessert was an insult to his person.

Rey nodded in agreement. “The dessert is even better than the fries! You have to try some!” Without waiting for a response, she shoved her milkshake into his face. Ben’s hesitation was written all over his face, but Rey wouldn’t back down. That was what dating people did, right? Sharing food?

‘Dude, just take a sip. They will know, if you don’t,’ she tried to say with her eyes. If he understood or had the same idea, Rey couldn’t tell, but Ben took a sip and let out a satisfied hum.

“See?” Rey chirped happily. “We’ll just share, but next time you’ll order one yourself.” She added a wink for good measure.

“Fine, you were right,” Ben sighed. “You w _ere_ right.”

“Don’t sound so surprised, I’m almost always right,” Rey giggled, before she realized that they were awfully close, and her giggle died.

Up close he looked so young, his eyes were soft, brown orbs that never left her. She could drown in those eyes, and it felt like they were staring right into each other’s souls. Rey didn’t care for her surroundings anymore, didn’t care that her two best friends were sitting across the table, analyzing everything they did. She didn’t care for the other people in the bar or the jukebox playing some up-beat song.

All she cared for in this moment was Ben, her fake crush, so close. Her heart was racing, and he was so incredibly close.

From the corner of her eye she saw him raise his hand. Was he going for the kiss? Would his hand hold her neck and his lips capture hers? Would it be a soft peck on the lips or would he go straight for the passionate, world-ending kiss?

As it turned out, he did nothing like that. He simply tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, before snaking his arm around her shoulders and pulling her closer.

Rey let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. Ok, this she could work with.

She pressed herself into his side and hummed in approval as he traced invisible patterns with his thumb on the naked skin of her arm. This was quite comfortable, and Ben was radiating a pleasant amount of heat. She could definitely get used to this.

The tension between the two of them ebbed down, though never breaking completely. It was a constant hum in the back of her head, but she found the concentration to still talk with Finn and Poe.

As the evening progressed, Rey let her head fall against Ben’s shoulder. Oh, this was definitely going to be repeated. It was way to comfortable and she silently hoped that Poe would insist on another double date.

She didn’t realize how late it had become or that she was fighting not to fall asleep, when she felt Ben press his lips onto her hair, before he lowered his head, so his lips were next to her ear.

“I think we should call it a night,” he whispered softly – not because it was something only she should hear, but because loudness was cruel when someone was almost asleep.

Rey only managed to let out something that sounded like grumbling and was rewarded with a low chuckle.

“Come on, sweetheart. Let’s get you home.” Ben lifted his head to look at Finn and Poe and she immediately missed his warmth. “What about you guys?”

“Same here,” Poe chuckled, and Rey managed to get a glance of Finn, who was in a similar state as herself.

 

 

Ben actually walked her home. It wasn’t that far, not even a twenty-minute walk, and Poe and Finn had the same way, but Ben was always the gentleman.

When noticed that she was freezing, he slipped out of his knitted sweater and offered it to her without a word. She thanked him with a smile, and gladly pulled it over her head. It smelled like him and she couldn’t stop herself from inhaling deeply.

Rey, still feeling bold, grabbed for his hand and intertwined her finger with his. She felt him stiffen for a moment, but he quickly gathered himself and stroked his thumb across the back of her hand.

She could definitely get used to this.

They reached her building quicker as she would have liked. Walking like that with Ben next to her, with his sweater on and his hand in hers she could have walked for hours.

“Well, this is me,” she mumbled, reluctantly let go of his hand and fished for her keys in her purse. Rey felt her heart tighten when she pulled them out. She managed a smile that didn’t look too sad – or so she hoped.

“I had a great time,” she offered, this time with a genuine smile. Her eyes found his and she was searching for any sign that he might have enjoyed himself as much as she had.

After a moment that felt like an eternity, he returned her smile. “Yeah, me too.”

And then he was so close again. She could feel his breath on her face, the warmth radiating from his body. She could smell his shampoo and see each and every mole he wore on his face.

Ben’s face stopped inches from hers, hesitating for a moment, silently asking for permission.

She didn’t know how to give it, though. Rey let her eyes drop to his lips, parting her own and licking them and Ben apparently understood the sign, because the next thing she knew, was that his lips were on hers. It was all she could have ever imagined and more.

He was gentle, his lips soft against hers and for a moment it was just that. Rey automatically leaned into him, pressing against him, very well aware of their audience.

It didn’t bother either of them, though, and soon she felt Ben’s tongue slip across her lip. She gladly allowed him the entrance he was asking permission for and they found themselves in a dance of their tongues, both of them moaning into their kiss.

She couldn’t say when Ben had put one hand on her waist and one onto her neck, or when she had put hers onto his chest, but it felt natural, like it was meant to be.

They only broke apart, when Poe had the grace to clear his throat.

Rey took a step back, her face burning up with the blush of a lifetime, but from the glance she stole, it looked like Ben was matching her in color.

She grabbed the hem of his sweater in order to take it off, but Ben’s hand on hers stopped her. “No, keep it,” he smirked at her, with a theatrical wink. Poe and Finn let out a groan in unison, making Rey giggle like a schoolgirl.

“Goodnight, Kylo.”

“Goodnight, Rey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welllllll, that was something, wasn't it?  
> What do you think? :)


	5. Movie night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another double-date for our fake-couple ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well hello, people of the internet!  
> I'm sorry for the slight delay, but as an apology of sorts this chapter clocks in at 3.3k!  
> Enjoy! :)
> 
> Update 04/16/18: AO3 glitched and didn't upload the whole chapter (actually just a fraction and i am mad), I'm fixing it right now, so hopefully, as you read this, it will be fixed.

Kylo Ren did not consider himself to be an emotional man. Of course, anyone who had to work with him, would tell you a different tale – a tale of a volatile person who would lash out at any given time, throw anger tantrums because the cook didn’t think it would be necessary to heed his request and not put frikkin onions on his pizza.

No, Kylo Ren thought of himself as someone, who had everything under control, who would behave like the responsible adult that he was.

Maybe that was why he had no idea, how it had come to him kissing Rey. Granted – she was his fake girlfriend – but that had not been a fake kiss.

Oh no. That had definitely not been a fake kiss.

A fake kiss would have been acceptable and frankly what he and Rey had agreed on.

A fake kiss wouldn’t have felt that way. Wouldn’t have made his heart to acrobatics on an Olympian level. Wouldn’t have given him shivers all over and let the rest of the world fade out. A fake kiss, a kiss that didn’t mean anything, would not have felt like it lasted for an eternity.

The only problem was, that it had to be a fake kiss. Because they would have to do it again, and if Rey so much as suspected anything else than a fake kiss, he was in for trouble. Knees-deep.

On the plus-side Poe and Finn certainly were convinced. That had to count for something, right?

After their kiss, after Rey had entered her apartment building, the two men had given him  _the talk_.

_“Listen, Kylo. If you ever hurt her, I’m gonna –“_

_“Finn, calm down,” Poe reassured his boyfriend, then turned towards Kylo and gave him a serious once-over. “What Finn is trying to say is that Rey is family to him, to us. And if you break her heart, you’re going to have a serious problem.”_

_Next to him, Finn was crossing his arms in front of his chest, pulling his shoulders back at the same time, with a mean look on his face. If Poe didn’t sound dead-serious, Kylo would have burst into laughter – the scene in front of him definitely looked hilarious._

_Okay, okay, he had to play this right. Don’t fuck this up, Kylo._

_He turned to look at the door Rey had vanished behind, before looking back at his friends, quirking an eyebrow._

_“Do I get this right? First you move mountains to even get us to go on a date and now suddenly you have a problem with us dating?” He took a step towards the pair, easily towering over them. “But for what it’s worth: I care about her. I’m not going to hurt her. Although I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”_

_Nice addition, he thought. That might shut them up._

_It didn’t. Finn apparently didn’t take his comment kindly._

_“Well, it IS my business,” Finn growled and took a step towards him. “Just keep that in mind.”_

_Their staring-contest only ended, when Poe stepped between them, putting his palm onto Finns chest. “Alright, now that that’s out of the way, let’s get moving. I’m tired, guys.”_

_Kylo certainly wasn’t done with the topic, but he knew better and for once swallowed the snarky words, that had already formed in his mind and were waiting for him to spit them out._

 

Kylo hadn’t heard from any of them for a few days and although he missed his little chats with Rey, he was actually thankful for the silence. It prevented the situation from getting any more awkward than it already was, and it gave him a chance to focus on work.

When his phone did buzz again, he felt a surge of relief when he saw that Rey texted him. That was until he read it.

> About the other night…

Shit.

 _Shitshitshitshitshit._ He had to fix this. Quick.

Don’t worry about it

I figured they would expect something like that

Yeah, playing it cool would definitely get him out of this mess.

He expectantly watched the three dots that formed, when the other person was typing. Why did it take her so long? Did she not buy his weak excuse? Then his phone buzzed.

> Yeah right
> 
> Yeah I get that
> 
> Three dots again.
> 
> Anyway
> 
> Poe and Finn want to hang out again
> 
> Movie night
> 
> Tonight
> 
> Can you make it?

Kylo knitted his brows together. Huh. This was an interesting development. Movie night with all three of them. That would probably lead to another … situation. But if Rey had accepted kissing as part of the stage of their “relationship”, he was out of the woods, right? Morally it wasn’t impeccable, but … what was?

> Sure, what time?

The prospect of seeing Rey again made him smile and he didn’t find it in himself to stop that.

> 8 at Poe’s
> 
> Bring popcorn :)

 

Six hours later, 8 o’clock sharp, he found himself in front of Poe’s apartment, dressed in tight black jeans and yet another black knitted sweater. He took a deep breath before knocking on the door and waited for Poe to open.

When his college friend finally opened, Kylo handed him the brown paper bag he was carrying.

“I brought popcorn, as ordered.”

“Come in, come in,” Poe greeted him, taking a curious look at the contents of the paper bag. “Really, Ben? Salted, Caramel, Butter AND Kettle Corn?”

Kylo only shrugged. “What? Rey didn’t specify what kind of popcorn I should bring, so I brought something for everyone.” It wasn’t that unusual, right? Anyone would have done the same thing, he was certain of that.

“Whatever,” Poe chuckled. “Why don’t you make yourself at home while I’ll get you something to drink?” He motioned towards the living room and Kylo followed the direction.

Finn, who was sitting next to Rey on the couch, on arm slung around her shoulders, spotted him first and shot him a wary look, before greeting him reluctantly.

Rey’s head shot up at the greeting of her friend and she jumped to her feet, but only after a series of emotions flashed across her face. She was dressed in a pair of denim shorts and a beige over-sized hoodie. Her hair was in the same half-bun-style he had seen before on her. The only thing out of place were her mismatched socks, but Kylo found that it only gave her more of an easy-going-vibe.

“Hey, you made it!” A bright smile formed on her face as she crossed the room and hugged him tightly.

The sudden contact took him off guard, but he quickly caught himself and reciprocated the embrace. She was radiating warmth and smelled of … lavender? It must be her shampoo or some lotion or something, but he found that it suited her.

When Rey pulled back from the embrace, it was all he could do not to sigh at the loss of contact. What the hell was wrong with him? Kylo Ren certainly didn’t sigh.

Rey offered him a coy smile, before darting forward and placing a quick peck on his cheek. She moved away just as quickly and Kylo thought he noticed her cheeks blushing.

While Kylo just stood there awkwardly, not moving one inch, Rey hurried back to the couch and resumed her place.

“Move over, Finn,” she japed. “Poe’s not gonna like you being sandwiched by me and Kylo.”

“No, I want my boyfriend all to myself,” sounded from the kitchen. “You keep your filthy hands of my bae!”

Rey chuckled and elbowed Finn in the side, who was blushing very much after his boyfriend’s comment and who didn’t know where to look. He did move, though, making space for Kylo, who slowly walked over to the couch and sat down next to Rey.

He tried to focus on Rey and was thankful for her encouraging smile.

This was going to be awkward.

The couch might have been big enough for Rey, Poe and Finn. Three people who weren’t ginormous could fit easily on this couch, with enough space between each of them.

But Kylo Ren was huge. And he was cramped between Rey and Finn, his hands folded on his lap and his legs occasionally brushing them.

This was awkard already. And the silence between the three certainly did not help. What was taking Poe so long?

Rey apparently had the same thoughts, because she decided to break the silence. “So, what are we watching anyway?”

That apparently was Poe’s que, because he appeared in the living room balancing a stack of bowls filled with popcorn as well as four glasses and several bottles of different drinks on a huge tablet.

“It has come to my attention, that Finn here has never seen Pride & Prejudice,” he announced. “And I know for a fact, that you haven’t seen it either,” he shot accusingly to Kylo. “So, we’re gonna fix that.”

Kylo rolled his eyes. Great. Some romantic shit.

“Hey, I saw that! You’re going to behave! Keira Knightley is our queen!” Poe slammed down the tablet onto the table – with more force than intended.

“Why can’t we watch  _anything_  else?” he groaned. Something with a bit action wouldn’t hurt, would it?

“I voted for Lord of the Rings, but I was outvoted,” Rey complained next to him.

“Yeah, because we’ve seen that movie three times this year already,” Finn shot back. “And you know that that would just end in one huge argument about whether the goddamn eagles should have just brought Frodo and the Ring to Mordor or not.”

“Aaaaand here we go again,” Poe sighed, slumping down onto the armchair.

“I’m just saying, the plan was to sneak in. You can’t sneak in with ginormous eagles,” Rey groaned. “We’ve been over this, Finn.”

“Yeah, and I’m not getting into this again!”

“Fine!”

“Fine!”

Silence.

“Oookay, so, I’ll start the movie now,” Poe chirped. He pressed the play-button on the remote, grabbed himself one bowl of the popcorn and leaned back. “Yo, babe, you better come over here.”

Finn, blushing again, obliged and managed to wedge himself onto the armchair. They wiggled around for a bit, before they were tangled up in a position that really didn’t seem comfortable.

With the couch now way less crowded, Kylo began to slide away from Rey but stopped, when she slapped his biceps.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Her tone was very accusing, and she had one eyebrow raised. Her hazel eyes bore right into his soul, as if she was trying to tell him something.

Oh. Right.

She probably was.

Before he could bring any more space between the two of them, Rey had snuggled up beside him, hugging the arm she had slapped moments before tightly.

Kylo Ren froze. Like a deer in headlights.

Kylo Ren was  _not_  a deer in headlights. He was not.

So, he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and tried to relax and unfreeze his muscles.

Right, they were “dating”. This was normal dating-behavior.

His instinct was to wrap his arm around her shoulder and hold her close – but that wasn’t possible right now, since she was clinging to his arm as if it were a lifeboat and she were drowning.

After an internal struggle, that spanned across the opening credits, he settled for intertwining his fingers with hers and rubbing soothing circles into her skin.

He did his best to follow the plot of the movie, but it was very distracting to have her head on his shoulder. It was a good thing that he had read the book in high-school, – not voluntary – so he knew a bit about what was happening.

He had always sympathized with Darcy, the wealthy and powerful male lead. Ever since he had to read that book, he was convinced that the female protagonist was too headstrong and doing him wrong. She should have been happy to accept his first proposal, that much was clear.

Watching the movie with Rey though made it clear to him, that she might have a different view on things. She was cursing Darcy under her breath and constantly rooting for Lizzy Bennet. It reminded him of a few girls from his class, who had strongly identified with her, but were swooning over Darcy’s second proposal.

About a half hour into the movie (the Bennet-girls were just getting ready for the ball at Netherfield), he felt Rey move next to him and he turned to look at her.

She was letting go of his arm and grabbing for a bowl of popcorn. Rey turned her head to look over her shoulder and flashed him a wicked smile. What was she planning?

She didn’t leave him much time to think about it though, because she passed him the bowl of popcorn and then sat down on his lap. She sat down. On. His. Lap. And he froze again.

This hadn’t been part of the plan. He felt panic rise in his chest, his heart sped up and he couldn’t move a muscle if it life depended on it.

If she felt his panic or had anticipated his reaction, he didn’t know, but Rey leaned into him, her lips suddenly almost touching his skin, her breath hot and giving him goosebumps.

“Relax, we’re all in love, remember?” she whispered so soft that only he could hear her.

Right, right. She was right. Of course, she was right. Normal dating-behavior.

He gave her a small and simple nod, barely visible, but he knew that she would notice it.

Kylo could feel Finn and Poe watching them, so he did his best to defreeze and snaked the arm, that wasn’t holding the bowl of popcorn, around Rey waist and rested his palm on her hip.

She snuggled into him, just as easily as if he were a comfortable blanket or part of the couch. Her head came to rest on his chest, one hand playing with the hem of his sweater, the other constantly bringing popcorn to her mouth.

Although this was somewhat awkward and very unfamiliar situation for him, he didn’t mind at all. This was strangely comfortable, and he could definitely get used to Rey cuddling him and sitting on his frikkin lap.

It didn’t help him concentrate on the movie, though.

Kylo found much more interest in sliding his hand up and down her leg, from knee to hip, tracing invisible patterns on her bare skin. The shiver he caused didn’t go unnoticed and  _that_  made a smile tug on his lips.

He was very sure that Rey didn’t feel this … electricity, this feeling, this tension, as he did, but it was nice to know, that she wasn’t unaffected by him.

When Lizzy Bennet turned down Darcy for the first time, Rey moved again, her hand abandoning the popcorn and her head turning to face him.

Her eyes were so wide, and he felt like he could drown in them. They flicked across his face, lingering on his mouth for a second before returning to meet his gaze.

She was so close again, and he realized that he had been holding his breath again. And it was a good thing, that he remembered to breathe, because Rey was closing in on him until their lips met.

It was only a soft touch of their lips at first, but when she slowly closed her eyes, Kylo took that as a good sign and deepened their kiss, moving against her lips and leaning into the kiss.

Rey hesitated for a second, but then reciprocated the kiss, her hand snaking up and caressing his neck, the other rising to his chest and grabbing his sweater.

_Oh._

It felt so natural, so right. He didn’t even have to think about it, when he let his fingers slide under the hem of her hoodie. He continued to draw the same patterns he had previously traced on her leg on her side, trailing his fingertips over her soft skin. It made her gasp and she pulled away from the kiss.

The familiar panic rose inside of him and he tried to read the look on her face, his hand frozen in place and not daring to continue.

But his worries were once again unwarranted as she was crashing her lips into his, bolder than before.

_Oh, he could definitely get used to this._

Without breaking the contact or even opening his eyes, Kylo sat the popcorn aside, frankly not caring if it would spill all over the couch. His newly freed hand came up to cup her cheek and when they finally parted to catch their breaths, he could still taste the sweetness of the popcorn on his tongue.

They didn’t move for a while, both of them with their eyes closed and their foreheads resting against each other.

When Rey finally turned to watch the movie again, Kylo feared that she would climb off his lap.

She didn’t, though, and remained on his lap for the rest of the evening, resting her cheek on his chest and her hands touching his neck, his chest, his arms.

He didn’t move his hand from under her hoodie and kept tracing patterns on her soft skin.

When he let his gaze drift towards the armchair, it was all he could do not to chuckle.

Their plan was working excellently.

He had never seen Poe that embarrassed in his life. His college friend had apparently no idea where to look and Finn wasn’t doing better either. Both of them were blushing hard, trying very much not to look at Kylo and Rey. He knew that they had been making out earlier themselves, but now it seemed as if their romantic flame had died for this evening.

_Just what Poe deserves._

Kylo and Rey watched the rest of the movie, cuddling and touching each other, the popcorn all but forgotten.

When the movie ended, and it was time to go, he offered Rey to bring her home, which she gladly accepted.

They said goodbye to their friends, who slowly found their way back to normality, but still shot them awkward looks, and Kylo lead the way to his car, a black Tie Silencer.

Rey let out an impressed whistle, her eyes wide like a kid in a candy shop.

“What a beauty,” she whispered solemnly, and didn’t make a move to open the passenger door. Normally this would had made him angry, he hated it when people wanted to get everything handed to them. But Rey was a different chapter, he knew. Rey was afraid to touch his car, afraid to break something. It was all but clear that she adored the car, worshipped it even.

He smiled at that and opened the door for her, without saying so much as a word.

The car ride was mostly quit, Rey was busy adoring the interior of the car and Kylo concentrated on driving through the city. He remembered her address from the last double-date.

When they arrived at her apartment building and he killed the engine, the silence was almost suffocating.

“I think it’s working great,” Kylo offered. “They seem to believe the act.”

“Yeah, totally, yeah,” Rey blurted out. “You should have seen them after the last date. It was hilarious. I got the whole ‘ _don’t rush things’_ -talk. Like they didn’t force me to a date.” She snorted.

“Oh, I hear ya. I was threatened,” he exclaimed. “ _If you hurt her, we’re going to have a problem,”_  he imitated Finns voice.

“Nooo, they didn’t!” Rey’s jaw dropped, when he nodded in confirmation.

“They did. Finn was ready to hit me.”

“Oooooh, I will make their life hell.” She didn’t sound like she was joking and Kylo made a mental note to never mess with her. This woman was frightening.

“Anyway, it’s getting late and I have class in the morning,” Rey sighed, suddenly sounding a bit … hectic. “Goodnight, Kylo.”

She leaned over to give him a peck on the cheek and then she was gone.

Kylo sat in the solitude of his car for several minutes, before he finally drove home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo, that happened!  
> Totally professional, I assure you!
> 
> This story is just so much fun to write! I actually planned out the next few chapters.  
> I hope to get out the majority of this before May, because *drummroll' I got myself a job - finally. Nobody told me that it would be so hard to find something after graduation, but it did take me *a lot* of applications and patience and probably earned me few grey hairs lol :D
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this!  
> Also, I wanted to thank you all again for the overwhelming feedback and your kind words. It makes me so happy to get this positive feedback!


	6. Showtime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I didn't proofread this, so please overlook any mistakes - I will go over this tomorrow and edit :) )

 

In the past few years Rey had learned a lot about herself – or so she thought.

She was not a romantic person. Granted, she enjoyed a romantic movie every once in a while, but romance was not for her. It definitely seemed that way, with every train wreck she had experienced.

And it was okay. Really. Rey had accepted that part about herself. It just wasn’t meant for her, she was fine on her own and had found a substitute family.

But watching Pride & Prejudice cuddled up to her fake boyfriend had her rethinking her life choices.

She had found him attractive from the start, but that first kiss had her fate sealed. Ever since that night, she found herself multiple times daydreaming about it, about him.

At first, she had been confused, emotionally at least. Rationally things were crystal clear and when she finally broke the silence, Ben made it just as clear. It had been all for show, of course and she _knew_ that, she did. But it had felt so good. So, _so good_.

Maybe it was quite some time ago since she had kissed anyone?

This could never be anything more than a friendship, a friends with benefits kind of arrangement if she were lucky.

It had felt _that_ good – and Rey could only hope that he had felt it too.

That had led to Rey not being too mad at Poe and Finn for suggesting another double date so quickly. If it meant possibly making out with Ben again, she wasn’t one to complain. Who could blame her? Nobody had said that this couldn’t be fun, right?

And it didn’t seem, like Ben had anything against making out a bit. They had been all cuddled up – well, Rey had cuddled up on Ben – during the movie, but she had quickly … spiced things up a little and taken initiative. It was time for the next phase on Mission Starkiller anyway. It had taken her quite some courage, but the risk was rewarded – not only with Poe’s and Finn’s embarrassment – but also with some grade A making out. She swore, she could still feel his fingers on her ribs and taste him on her lips.

_Just don’t fuck it up, Rey. Don’t get hurt again._

Speaking of… She had one giant (and only partly fake) bone to pick with her friends.

When Ben had dropped her off at home, she didn’t wait too long to text Finn and invited them over for coffee the next day.

The trio would mostly meet up at the boys’ apartment or at the bar, but every once in a while she convinced them to come over.

Rey’s apartment wasn’t as big as theirs, but she loved it nonetheless. It was a small, one-bedroom apartment, the kitchen and living room combined and a tiny bathroom with ancient tiles. When she first moved there, it had taken a lot of hard work and patience, but she managed to make it homey. It wasn’t perfect, but it was hers. A place for herself, a safe haven.

Apart from the oven, her kitchen was very under-used as Rey wasn’t a good cook. Her skills were limited to pasta, pizza and pancakes. The holy trinity of P. But when it came to baking it was a whole different chapter.

Unfortunately, she barely had time to bake anything with juggling school and her job. Additionally, she didn’t want to waste any food and even Rey could only eat so much cake.

With Finn and Poe visiting later, she finally had a reason to bake and enough people to eat it. She took notice of her stock and baking supplies first thing in the morning, before combing through her trusted collection of recipes to find the perfect one.

Finally, she settled on raspberry cupcakes, something sweet and fresh and tasting of spring. She only had to buy some raspberries and made plans to run by the store after her lecture.

 

* * *

 

 

When Rey got home, she didn’t waste any time and started immediately on her cupcakes. The dough was rather simple and easily done, and while the cakes baked in the oven, she prepared the raspberry buttercream. She didn’t have do rely on the recipe – at this point she had made countless buttercream-frostings and knew how to make one by heart. Still she checked the measurements, preparing the frosting with laser focus – buttercream was a bitch after all and was easily fucked up.

Rey succeeded, though, and tasted the frosting before putting it into the fridge. The cakes weren’t done yet and Rey had some time to clean up her living room. Finn and Poe were used to her messiness, but she did her best to minimize the chaos.

She had the cupcakes done and was fairly satisfied with the state of her living room by the time her friends arrived.

“Hey Peanut!”

“Hey guys,” Rey replied, managing a tone that said ‘I have a bone to pick with you, but I’m glad to see you’ -  and she had no idea how she managed that.

Finn frowned, and Poe raised an eyebrow, both of them slumping down on her thrift store-couch. Rey herself sat down on the well-used wooden stool across the coffee table.

“Spill it. What did we do?” Poe sounded like a schoolboy, who knew exactly what he did, but tried to get out of trouble anyway.

Rey shook her head slightly, her lips pressed into a thin line, imitating the expression on her face when something didn’t go her way. “You know very well, what you did.”

She took a deep breath, crossing her arms in front of her chest. It wasn’t hard to get into the right mood, since she actually _was_ a bit pissed at them.

“Please, explain, why you think it necessary to give Kylo the talk?”

Finn opened his mouth, wanting to explain and defend his actions, but Rey interrupted him. “I _know_ , you only meant well. But what the heck, guys? I can take care of myself. And it’s not exactly any of your business, what happens between us,” Rey grumbled. “First you _force_ me to go on a date with him. You harass me for month to date anyone. And when I finally do, and things are going great, you just have to jump in and get involved. What the shit?”

Their faces were definitely a consolation for their behavior and by the end of her rampage, Rey had to fight the smirk that was threatening to make its way onto her face.

“We’re sorry,” Finn mumbled. It sounded more like a question, and Rey quirked an eyebrow at that.

“Is that a question?”

“No, no! I’m sorry, peanut! We’re sorry,” Finn mumbled, elbowing his boyfriend. “Right, honey?”

“Yeeaah,” Poe sighed reluctantly.

Rey was almost satisfied. Almost. But it wasn’t good enough yet. “Aaand?”

“And we’ll never do it again,” the boys sighed in unison.

“Good.” That was enough for now, Rey was confident that they had learned their lesson. “Now that that’s out of the way, have some cupcakes!”

That was the great thing about their friendship – they could change easily from serious talk to their usual chit-chat.

The trio happily munched the cupcakes and by the time Finn and Poe left, there were only a few left over. Rey made a mental note to bring one or two of them to her neighbor Rose, one of her few female friends.

Rose was already living in the apartment building, when Rey moved in and Rose had immediately offered her help with moving Rey’s few belongings into the apartment. The girls had immediately clicked, both of them shared a passion for mechanics. Rose was studying aerospace engineering and it didn’t take long for them to make study-dates on a regular basis, as they were attending partly the same lectures.

After a small consideration, she put all of the remaining cupcakes on a plate and marched over to Rose’s apartment. Rey knocked on the door and waited for her friend to open, hearing Rose yell “Just a sec” and stumbling through the apartment.

Rose opened the door and her eyes immediately focused on the cupcakes. “Uuuuh, yummy! Are those for me?”

“Nope, I just thought to myself ‘you know what, I have these cupcakes and I will just eat them in front of Rose’. Of course, they are for you, dummy,” Rey chuckled.

“Well then, come on in,” Rose chimed and made way for Rey to enter the apartment. The layout was identical to Rey’s, but Rose had decorated it entirely different. Where Rey’s furniture was randomly put together as a result of several hauls at the local thrift store, Rose actually had a theme going on. Warm colors and exotic looking fabrics – she even owned a couple of plants and Rey knew that Rose would adopt several animals in an instant if it were allowed in the building.

Rey placed the cupcakes on the wooden coffee table and sat down on one of the beanbags, wiggling until she found the most comfortable position.

“Uuuugh, Roooooose,” Rey groaned. “I think I’ll fail Thermodynamics.”

Rose joined her on the floor, cross legged on a floor cushion, and grabbed a cupcake.

“I know, me too,” Rose sighed. “It’s just _so_ _much_.”

“Uuuuugh, I thought Math and IT last semester were hard, but Thermodynamics will be the death of me.”

“I heard that Holdo made the exam so hard last year, that half of the students cried _during_ the exam.”

Before Rey could voice her shock and anxiety about this new information, her phone buzzed with an incoming text message.

It was Ben.

 

> Hey, can I call you?

 

Rey frowned. This didn’t sound good.

 

 

> Did something happen?
> 
> Everything alright?

 

She waited for his response, not listening to Rose’s horrific tales about last year’s exam in Thermodynamics.

 

 

> Yeah, I just have something I’d like to ask you and I’d rather do it kind of in person.

 

“Hey Rose, do you mind if I take a call real quick?” She looked up at her friend.

Rose shrugged. “Nah, but those cupcakes are mine.” With that, she grabbed another one and took a big bite with a smile on her face.

 

 

> Oookay… sure, you can call me

 

Rey leaned back into the beanbag and waited for the phone call. What could he possibly want? Maybe…. Just maybe…. He wanted to meet her alone? A girl could dream, right? Maybe she should not take that call in front of Rose.

But it was too late – her phone rang.

“Hey,” Rey said hesitantly. She still wasn’t sure about how this was going to go and Rey hated not being in control.

“Hey.” His voice was as deep as ever and Rey did her best to ignore the goosebumps on her forearms.

Silence.

“Uhm, wasn’t there something you wanted to ask me?” Rey asked after a solid minute of silence. She _thought_ she could hear him breathing.

“Uhm, yeah, sorry. I-I actually – uhm…,” Ben mumbled, then took a deep and audible breath. “Okay, look, there is this work thing I have to attend – our merger just went through and they are throwing a party to celebrate it. And uhm, it would be really nice if you would accompany me, you know. As my fake girlfriend?”

Huh. So not a private date with just the two of them. Just more charades. Ignoring goosebumps on her skin because of his voice was one thing – ignoring the painful tug on her heart was another.

“And why would I do that?” Her voice did not sound bitter, thank you very much.

“Please, Rey. I – there is this douchebag at work. He’s a real shithead and it would teach him a lesson if I were to show up with you as my girlfriend.” He paused. “I’d do anything to return the favor. Seriously.”

Huh. Interesting. The bitter taste on her tongue was gone. Hearing him beg was doing things to her. Interesting, good things. And honestly, Rey knew exactly what that favor in return would be. She could definitely use it.

“Ok, fine. When is this party?”

“Friday, I’ll pick you up at seven. They usually have a buffet, so you don’t have to eat beforehand.”

“Uhm, is there… a dress code? You work at one of those uptight companies, do you not?”

At that he chuckled. “Yeah, it’s one of _those_ companies. Just wear a party dress or something like that.”

A dirty grin made it way onto her face. “Oh, I think I have the right dress for that. I’ll give that douchebag a run for his money.”

Ben’s chuckle made her smile. “I will be forever grateful.”

“And you know the deal, Ben.”

She could almost see the frown on his face as he hesitated to answer her. “Uhm, what do you mean?”

“The food better be good,” Rey chirped.

Ben’s answer was a snort. “Rey, the merger is worth billions – I think we can afford excellent food for our guests.” He paused for a moment. “Thank you for doing this, Rey. But I gotta do my job now.”

_Oh_. Why was she sad about that? “Yeah, sure, I understand. I’ll see you on Friday.”

“See you later, Rey. It was nice talking to you.”

_Oh_.

But before she could answer him, he had ended the call and Rey was left sitting a bit dumb folded on Rose’s beanbag.

“Who was that?” Rose asked with a curious sparkle in her eyes.

“Uuuhm, the guy I’m seeing?” Oh, damn.

“You have a boyfriend? Oh my god, Rey, why didn’t you tell me?”

“Uhmmm,” Rey let out, but was interrupted instantly by her friend.

“Tell me everything! How old is he? What does he do? Is he cute?”

“Uhm, he’s 31? CFO for one of those multi-billion corporations.” _Please don’t ask me, if he’s hot. Please don’t ask me if he’s hot._

“And? Is he hot?” _There we go._

“He … uhm …” _Oh boy_. “Yeah.” By the temperature of her face, Rey knew that she was sporting the blush of a lifetime.

Rose roasted Rey for the rest of the evening with questions about her mysterious _boyfriend_ , alternating with “Ughs” about the upcoming exams and gossip about fellow students.

 

* * *

 

 

The end of the week came faster than Rey had estimated. Between her job, her lectures and studying for her exams (especially the bitch that was Thermodynamics) the days flew by in a blurry haze.

Friday came, and Rey woke up with a racing heartbeat. She solely blamed the party and not her _date_ for that party, although a small voice in the back of her head insisted that meeting him without Poe or Finn to witness it had to mean something.

Rey rushed through her day, racing home after work and taking a long and thorough shower, making sure to shave even the tiniest hair on her legs and armpits. She even used the way to expensive conditioner – a modesty she usually skipped. After the shower Rey dried herself with a fluffy towel and made sure to rub in the lotion – another modesty she would skip if this were any other day.

When she had told Ben, she knew exactly which dress she would wear, she wasn’t joking.

A few months back, Finn had made her buy a dress that was suffering a sad life in the back of her closet ever since.

It was a black one-shoulder mini-dress, covered in lace and hugging her body tightly. Normally she would never wear this in public, but Finn had assured her that she was looking smoking hot in it and for once, she believed him. She styled her hair in loose waves and for once actually put on some makeup – nothing to fancy, just some foundation and concealer, some eyeliner and mascara. She _did_ own a lash curler (which she rarely used) and for once tortured herself with it. Red lipstick and a silvery bracelet finished her look.

Just when she was satisfied with her outfit, her phone buzzed, and Rey didn’t even need to check it to know that Ben was waiting for her.

She texted him that she was on her way downstairs, threw her phone, some of the makeup and her keys in the small black clutch she had borrowed from Rose, slipped on the black high heels (also a forced purchase – thank you very much, Finn) and grabbed her coat.

He did wait right in front of the building, leaning against his car and looking like a million bucks.

Rey had never seen him in a suit before, but damn, if that wasn’t a sight to behold. The suit was obviously tailored right onto his body and looked more expensive than everything Rey owned combined. He was wearing a black shirt underneath and no tie – to Rey’s surprise. Maybe the event wasn’t as uptight as she had thought?

When Ben caught sight of her, he froze, and his lips parted slightly.

_Oh boy,_ he hadn’t even seen her dress yet. The thought made Rey smirk. Right now, he only could see her face, her heels and (a rather big portion of) her legs. If this was his reaction now, his jaw would drop when he saw her dress. Rey made a mental note to thank Finn sometime.

“Hey, stranger,” she greeted him, still smiling.

Ben blinked twice before he got himself together. “Hello Rey. You look … amazing.”

Ben stepped aside and opened the passenger’s door for her. She thanked him with a smile and followed him with her eyes as he made his way around the car.

“Thank you again for doing this, Rey. I owe you, I mean it.”

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll think about a way for you to repay me.” _Woah, where did that come from?_

Next to her, Ben choked on his audibly and had to cough. Rey was lady enough to ignore that and act as if nothing had happened.

Rey could feel how tense he was next to her, how much he concentrated on driving through the city. Maybe that comment had been a little too much?

“So, uhm, anything I need to know? Someone I should not talk to, some weird rituals I should be aware of?” She chuckled. “You’re not sacrificing a chicken to the big corporation-god, are you?”

Her attempt to lighten the mood and loosen him up seemed to work, because when he finally replied it was with mischief in his tone.

“Nah, that’s not necessary as we all already sold our souls to the devil.”

“Good, because I don’t want to explain blood splatter on my clothes,” Rey laughed, and her heart did a funny thing, when he joined in for a moment.

“No, actually, just be yourself. The douchebag I told you about, his name is Hux, you can’t miss him. Tall, pale, red hair. Looks like he has a bad taste on his tongue – which is probably true, because everything he says is pure shit.”

“Oh wow, you really don’t like this Hugs-guy?”

At that, Ben broke into laughter to a point, where he was physically shaking. He somehow managed to keep the car steady, though, and Rey was amazed by that fact. But she only followed that thought for a second, since this was the first real laughter she heard from him and it was a sound that she would forever cherish. _Wait, what?_

“Oh, please, call him that to his face and I’ll give you whatever you want.” He must have meant it as a joke, although his voice was dead serious.

_I’ll give you whatever you want_. She would definitely take him up on it.

Rey didn’t find it in her to answer, so she only smirked to herself. An answer wasn’t necessary, since Ben was just pulling into an underground car park. Her parked the car in a designated area – apparently only for the higher-ups of his company, each spot assigned to a single person.

He killed the engine and got out and around the car in lightening speed, opening the door for her and helping her out of the car. His eyes roamed over her bare legs for a moment, before settling on her face. For this she was very thankful as this could have been easily a panty-flash-situation and _that_ wasn’t something on her bucket list.

With his hand resting on her lower back he led her through the hall towards an elevator. They walked in silence, his hands never leaving her back and when they reached the elevator, he punched the button with his free hand.

The elevator arrived with a soft _bing_ , announcing its arrival and momentarily breaking the silence.

Ben led her inside and punched the button for the roof, earning a raised eyebrow from Rey. It shouldn’t have been a surprise that this party was on the rooftop – there would probably be even a rooftop garden and all.

The elevator ride didn’t nearly take as much time as Rey would have liked, the obnoxious music playing only playing into her anxiety. Why was she so nervous? It was just a party with a bunch of people she would probably never see again in her life.

“You’ll be fine, Rey. Just be yourself.” Rey turned her head to him and found him smiling down at her. Somehow the soft look in his eyes was reassuring and Rey found herself smiling back.

The elevator _binged_ again, announcing their arrival as the door opened. _Showtime_.

It was _breathtaking_.

_Holy shit_. It was all Rey could do not to let her jaw drop open.

Apparently, the rooftop had been transformed into some kind of glasshouse, like someone had build a ginormous, luxurious greenhouse on top of the building that almost covered the whole roof. The room was flooded with warm light and _everything_ looked expensive. The floors were dark, polished wood and – adding to the greenhouse feeling – all across the room were exotic flowers, flowers she didn’t even know existed. It was _magical_. Drawn almost by instinct Rey easily made out the bar – she would probably have to have a drink or two to calm her nerves.

There were several bar tables, almost all of them occupied by sharp looking suits. There even was a dancefloor, but as Rey had expected, nobody was dancing.

Rey was so captivated by the room, that she didn’t notice the page boy, who couldn’t have been older than 20, waiting for her to give him her coat. Ben had to call her name – probably three times – before her brain was working again.

She mumbled a quiet “Sorry”, peeled her coat off and handed it over.

She could feel Ben staring at her and once again she turned to him with a raised eyebrow. “What? Is there a whole in the dress or something? A stain? Oh god, please don’t tell me that there is a giant stain.”

Ben blinked, shaking his head, a slight blush creeping onto his cheeks. “No, it’s just – you look incredible.”

Rey quickly averted her eyes, blushing herself. “Thank you,” she mumbled.

“Do you want to drink something?”

She nodded and Ben – Kylo, here he was Kylo, she reminded herself - led the way towards the bar.

They found an empty table near the bar close to one of the glass walls with a good view over the city. “What can I get you?”

She smirked at him. “Whiskey on the rocks, please.”

Ben – Kylo – raised eyebrows. “Really?”

Rey put her clutch on the table and crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Yeah, really. And please, choose something smooth, would you?”

“Alright, alright. Your whish is my command,” he chuckled. Leaning closer to her, he whispered into her ear. “You surprise me every time.” Then he stalked towards the bar to order their drinks.

Rey let her eyes roam across the room, soaking everything in and keeping an eye out for one particular douchebag in a suit.

He returned with two glasses of Whiskey on the Rocks and Rey couldn’t suppress her chuckle.

“And what do we have here?” she asked, when he handed her one of the glasses.

“Glennfiddich 21. Rum Cask Reserve – it’s the best they had to offer,” he informed her, his voice dark and low, giving her goosebumps.

She nodded, as if she drank this particular Whiskey regularly, as if she could afford anything more than the Tullamore Dew or Jameson from her local store.

But damn. That _was_ smooth.

Rey hummed appreciatively and set the glass back on the table, studying the face of her fake boyfriend.

The combination of the taste on her tongue and his eyes on her gave her goosebumps, but when she heard the cold voice it felt like ice running down her spine. She immediately knew who the voice belonged to. And she immediately hated its owner.

“Ren, I see you’ve actually got someone to accompany you. Did you have to pay her? Nobody would spend their time with you willingly.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so:  
> Frist: I'd like to apologize for this taking so long, but I hope the 4k on this chapter are apology enough?  
> Second: This was supposed to be even longer, buuut the break felt too good.  
> Third: I have no clue about CFO's or mechanical engineering or any engineering for that matter. I'm pretty much making stuff up here, looking at course-plans for that stuff. So, uhm, just pretends it works that way?  
> Fourth: Same goes for Whiskey, lol. I mean, I know a bit, but much as Rey I don't have the means to buy anything worth more than 20 bucks :D
> 
> Rey is wearing[ this](http://www.asos.com/ivyrevel/ivyrevel-one-shoulder-lace-bodycon-mini-dress/prd/8758770?clr=black&SearchQuery=&cid=5235&gridcolumn=4&gridrow=14&gridsize=4&pge=2&pgesize=72&totalstyles=1238) dress.
> 
> I also wanted to say THANK YOU so much! Your support and words mean everything to me and they warm my heart!


	7. What the redhead deserves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux gets what he deserves.

“Ren, I see you’ve actually got someone to accompany you. Did you have to pay her? Nobody would spend their time with you willingly.”

Did he just call Rey a prostitute? To her face? That little fucker. Ben clenched his jaw, his hands balled up into tight fists, his nostrils flared.

But before he could say anything, Rey took his hand under the table in a calming matter.

“Ah, you must be Hugs,” she chirped, her voice sweet and frightening at the same time. “I would say that it’s a pleasure to meet you, but I _really_ hate lying.”

Just like that his anger was gone and he looked at Rey in awe, before setting his gaze on Hux, at least trying to hide his smirk. He did his best to save an image of Hux’s expression, cataloguing it for later inspection. It truly was a sight to behold.

“Hux. My name is Hux,” the redhead spat. “And you are?” Ben very well noticed how Hux didn’t mention his ridiculous first name – _Armitage_.

Rey answered with a sweet smile and a look that could kill. “Rey Niima, not that it’s any of your business, _Hugs_.”

He could see Hux taking a deep breath, his sickly white skin turning into an angry red.

“And what brings you here, Miss Niima? Are you related to Ren or did he offer you money to escort him tonight?” Ah, there it was again – the suggestion of Rey being an escort or prostitute. Ben swore he would made Hux pay. How dare he?

“Actually, _Hugs_ , Kylo is my partner. And I wanted to see for myself how big the stick is that has the displeasure of residing in your arse.”

Okay, so it seemed that he actually didn’t need to defend Rey – she had that covered. He felt pride rise in his chest.

“Tell me, _Hugs_ , is your arse jealous of the amount of shit that comes out of your mouth?” Rey nipped at her drink, flashing the redhead a stone-cold smile.

That was the finally straw, because Hux very hastily excused himself and made himself scarce.

“Unbelievable,” Ben muttered, still in awe.

“Yeah, I know right? What an arse.” Rey shook her head, taking another sip of the Whiskey and he thought he heard her whisper “Damn, that shit is smooth”.

“What? No, I meant you,” Ben said in earnest. “I’ve never seen him run like that. And so quickly. Damn, I whish I had that on tape.”

At that she snorted. “What a twat. I can’t believe him – basically calling me an escort – and to my face! He’s lucky that I didn’t punch him right then and there.”

“If you had though, I –“ He barely stopped himself in time before he could say anything stupid. Like ‘would have kissed you’ or ‘would never let you go’. But that was definitely a very, very bad idea – they had made the deal in mutual agreement. And he didn’t want to give her the wrong idea, didn’t want her to think that he thought she owed him anything. _Don’t fuck it up, Ben_. Lately this was becoming his mantra.

“I guess I should be flattered, in some twisted way,” Rey mumbled with furrowed brows. At least she hadn’t his words.

“What do you mean?” He raised an eyebrow at her.

“What he said. He seems to think that I could make money as an escort,” she mused. “Not that I want to be an escort, but maybe I should make this fake-girlfriend-thing into a business.”

He didn’t know what to answer, so he didn’t say anything. _See, it’s only business for her_ , a small voice in the back of his head whispered, _that’s why you shouldn’t make a fool out of yourself_.

They stood there for a moment in silence, both focusing on their drinks, before Ben sighed heavily. “I’ve gotta go and shake a few hands – if you want another drink, just order one, it shouldn’t be a problem. The buffet is over there, if you’re hungry. I don’t know how long it’ll take, but I’ll try to make it as quick as possible.”

“Oh, uhm, of course! Don’t worry about me. Go, do your job,” she blurted out, faking a smile that didn’t convince him. Had he said something wrong? He hoped not, hoped that it was just about him leaving her alone for a bit.

When he didn’t move, she lightly punched his biceps – this time with a more convincing smile on her face. “Go. Maybe I’ll see if I can destroy someone’s ego.”

“Fine,” he sighed, turning and walking across the room.

 

…

 

She watched Ben from afar for a few minutes. He was talking to business people wearing expensive suits, shaking their hands. He looked so different from how she knew him, and it made her think. Was that the real him? Or was this for show and he really was the Ben she had gotten to know? Who was he? Ben? Or Kylo? Or maybe a bit of both? It bothered her more than it should, so she tried to distract herself and averted her gaze to search for the buffet.

When her eyes came across something red, she halted. It was Hux, that little shithead with his sickly looking pale skin and arrogance plastered across his face. Oh, she could feel the rage rise in her, burning in her chest like a flame. Rey had to take a couple of deep breaths to calm down – she had won that fight and should he ever have the audacity to talk to her that way again… well, then she would punch him in the face. That much was certain, and she would be lying, if she wasn’t looking forward to that day.

Her stomach growled, and she focused again on finding the buffet. Once she located it, she finished her drink with one big gulp, grabbed her clutch and walked over there.

The buffet easily provided enough food to feed her and all of her friends for a week. There was just _so much_ food, dishes she had never seen in her life and little tidbits of the most exotic looking food. There was even a chef, who’d cook you steak just the way you wanted.

Rey knew that it was probably rude to load her plate with food, but she just couldn’t resist. And Ben had told her to be herself, right? Stuffing herself with food was certainly very Rey.

She loaded her plate with everything that looked especially delicious – or so expensive that she would never have the chance to eat it. For now, she only picked stuff from the main course area of the buffet, making a mental note to visit the dessert-buffet at least twice.

Rey was just waiting for the chef to put the steak onto her plate – she had chosen a beautiful and moderately sized piece of tenderloin, Kobe as the chef informed her – she felt an intimidating presence, before the person spoke to her.

“So, you’re the reason for Armitages anger tantrum.”

Rey spun around and actually had to raise her head to look the woman in the eyes. Before her stood a tall and beautiful blonde, hair cut into a short bob, dressed in a steel grey pantsuit and looking as intimidating as she sounded.

“Excuse me? I’m not sure if I know what you mean.”

“I have to say, I expected … something else.”

Rey opened her mouth to give the blonde a dose of what Hux had gotten but was interrupted before she could make a sound.

“Allow me to introduce myself – Gwen Phasma. I work with Hux,” the blonde explained. “It was about time that someone showed him his place. You would fit right in here. If you’re ever looking for a job – give me a call.”

Rey blinked. “Thank you, I guess?”

“I can see why Ren brought you. You definitely have quite the impact on him,” Phasma went on. “Although whether that’s good or bad, I haven’t decided yet. Let’s just hope you’re not too much of a distraction.”

The woman – Phasma – gave her the hint of a smile and a single nod, before turning around and leaving Rey behind.

Huh. The people here were… one of a kind. And just as Phasma didn’t know if Rey had a positive or negative impact on Kylo, she didn’t know what to make of those people.

“Miss? Your steak would be ready now,” the chef informed her hesitantly.

Rey turned around and waited for him to put the meat onto her plate, thanking him with a smile.

“This looks so delicious,” she crooned, and it really did. This was perfection and she felt her mouth water just from the look of it.

“Miss? I’m sorry for being so blunt, but I couldn’t help but overhear. Is it true? Are you – are you with Mr. Ren?”

She frowned. The chef sounded almost frightened, as if he was seriously out of line. The people here had to be real dickheads, if the staff was afraid to make small talk. Rey decided to not like them very much.

“Yes, that’s correct. Why do you ask?” She tried to keep her voice friendly – there was no reason to stress out this poor, unfortunate soul any more.

The young chef was looking around with a hint of panic on his face, checking if anybody was listening.

“It’s just -I’m – Miss, I’m catering regularly for First Order Industries, and I’ve never seen Mr. Ren so … relaxed,” he whispered. “A-and happy,” he added, his voice barely audible.

Before Rey could reply to this, another party guest ordered his steak – far less friendly than Rey did.

She offered him an apologetic smile before she made off with her plate, searching for an empty table where she could munch in.

It didn’t take her long – it seemed as if the guests at this party weren’t hungry – something Rey did not understand. She started with the steak, not wanting it to get cold, and cut off a small piece. The chef had prepared it perfectly, medium rare as she had requested. It was juicy and tender and _perfection_. _This must be heaven_ , she thought and barely suppressed a moan. It was the single most perfect piece of meat she had ever tasted, and Rey would not have been mad to eat nothing but this for the rest of her life. Each bite was better than the one before and Rey was sure that this must be what an orgasm felt like. She almost cried, when there was nothing left of it, and for a minute she evaluated getting another one. In the end, she decided against it, keeping the dessert in mind. She finished the remaining food on her plate, and although it was _very_ good, nothing came close to _the sacred steak_.

Before she scavenged the dessert-buffet though, she ordered herself some water at the bar and sipped solemnly at it for a few minutes, her gaze wandering across the room. Almost as if she knew where to look, she immediately made Ben out and – keeping the words of the chef in mind – observed him silently. She didn’t have much to compare his behavior to, really only their first meeting. But compared to _that_ , he definitely seemed happy. Or at least _happier_. What was he like at work? Phasma had mentioned the impact she had on him. But what impact was that? Did she make him happier? Or was that just part of the act and people assumed, he was different?

Rey chewed on the inside of her cheek. _Don’t think too much of it_ , a small voice in the back of her head whispered. _Don’t get hurt._ She sighed. There was nothing she could do about this right now anyway, so she might as well go and raid the dessert-buffet.

She quickly looked around but didn’t find a place to put her dirty plate. Instead she spotted a waiter, who was collecting dirty plates from the tables, so she let her plate where it was and made her way back to the buffet. She felt her mouth water again immediately. The buffet for the main course had ben superior, but this – this was just extra. There were at least three different kinds of cake, all of them with several layers. Next to the most exotic fruits were small glasses filled with cremes. She spotted the obligatory crème brûlée and mousse au chocolat, as well as several other which she didn’t know. One dessert was looking very promising though and she made sure to put a good portion of that on a plate. It was a mixture of whipped cream and curd, meringue and frozen raspberries. Rey also took a glass filled with tiramisu, before carrying her spoils to the table.

Every single piece of her haul was delicious. The people here might be arrogant assholes, but their food was excellent. Each bite was an explosion of tasty deliciousness and once again Rey had to suppress several moans. She greedily scraped the spoon over the surface, trying to gather the last bits of it.

When she finished, she couldn’t help herself and let out an audible huff – having eaten just a bit too much, so that she was no dangerously close to food-induced coma. Normally she would lay down on the couch or bed for an hour or two, trying very much not to die of food, but that was obviously not an option right now. So she settled for the first alternative that came to mind: a breath of fresh air.

With her clutch in hand Rey walked across the room, the glass door which lead outside, straight in front of her. She stopped dead in her tracks, when she heard _that_ voice again.

“… don’t know how some of these peasants got in here, but have you seen that wench Ren brought?” That bastard.

“I thought she was rather pretty.” Another man’s voice, not as arrogant.

“Shut up, Mitaka. He probably paid her.”

“Are you sure, you’re not just jealous, Armitage,” Phasma chuckled, and when Rey turned to look at her, Phasma winked and Rey felt a rush of sympathy for the taller woman. She flashed her a thankful grin, before resuming her walk outside. It seemed as if Phasma had her covered – the blonde’s distaste for Hux must be running deep.

Not many party guests were outside as the evening air was rather crisp. Although her dress exposed both her legs _and_ one arm to the cold air, Rey didn’t care. It was quite out there, way up over the city and Rey took a deep breath, filling her lungs. Her ears were ringing from the noise of the party – she hadn’t even noticed how loud it was inside. The trip outside had been the right decision, after all.

It felt good to let her mind wander and unwind for a minute, and Rey closed her eyes, the noise from the party fading into a rushing noise, accompanied by the commotion of the streets. Exams were in three weeks, and she still had a lot of studying to do. Originally, she had planned to study tonight, but she wasn’t to mad when Ben had asked her. The party was definitely worth the break, but she had expected something else. She had imagined Ben showing her off to his coworkers, maybe parading her around like some exotic animal. She certainly hadn’t expected him to just go off and ‘shake some hands’. Rey couldn’t blame him of course, this was a business party after all. She knew that. But still, she felt something like sadness about the situation.

Rey was so lost in thought, leaning against the parapet, watching the city lights, that she didn’t notice the sound of someone approaching.

She jumped, when a hand lightly settled on her lower back, only perceiving the shadow of a giant person in the corner of her high.

Rey spun around, heart racing, only to sigh with relief when she realized that it had been Ben.

“You scared me half to death,” she exclaimed, her heart slowly calming down to a steadier pace. She punched his bicep lightly.

“Are you alright?” His voice was concerned and there was a frown plastered onto his face. “You look a little lost.” He shrugged.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” _Certainly not because you left me to myself on a party where I don’t know anyone. Certainly not because I wanted to spend time with you._

He shrugged again. “What are you doing out here? Not enjoying the party?”

“Oh, don’t worry. It’s a nice study break, to be honest,” Rey chuckled. “I just needed some air. It’s quite loud in there.” She motioned with her head towards the party. “Clear my head, you know?”

His frown lifted slightly but didn’t quite vanish, nodding in sympathy. “Yeah, I get that,” Ben mused thoughtfully, stepping closer and mirroring her earlier posture, leaning against the parapet.

“It’s nice up here,” he said, more to himself. “Away from everything.”

Rey joined him, their shoulders brushing against each other.

Ben turned his head towards her and suddenly she was aware of how close he was and for some reason she couldn’t quite understand her heartbeat was speeding up. Rey could see every mole on his face and her eyes flicked down to his lips for the fragment of a second, before settling on his. If Rey were a romantic, she would say that she could drown in his eyes, and although she wasn’t that didn’t make it any less true.

She didn’t even realize that he had taken off his jacket until he put it over her shoulders with an honest smile on his face.

“Don’t want you to catch a cold right before exams,” Ben offered. She thanked him with a smile and they resumed their earlier positions. Ben snaked an arm around her and Rey couldn’t help the warm feeling, that spread in her stomach.

“When I was a kid, I used to watch the stars for hours,” Rey confessed, feeling the inexplicable need to tell him this, to give him a part of herself. _Careful now, don’t get hurt._ “I grew up just outside the city.” _In a horrible foster home, in the worst part of the city._ “You can’t see the stars here.”

“I grew up in Chandrila. Well, outside of Chandrila. There wasn’t as much smog and light pollution,” Ben explained. “My dad and I used to go camping at Lake Sah’ot. He taught me all about the constellations.” He seemed suddenly very sad, but Rey didn’t press the matter. Family could be a difficult topic, she herself had to explain to people often enough that she didn’t have any family.

“I always made up names for the constellations,” Rey chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.

Ben didn’t answer, still lost in thought, still that sad expression on his face. When he gathered himself, his voice was almost a whisper, insecure and so unlike him. “If you want, I can show you some time. The stars, I mean.”

It took Rey a moment to process his words, her heart skipping not only one but multiple beats, and a war of inner voices in the back of her head.

_Dontgethurtdontgethurtdontgethurt._

_Yesyesyesyesyesyesyes._

Rey gave herself a mental shake, shushing the voices and trying to gather all the courage she could muster. “I would like that.” It didn’t matter that her voice was as much a whisper as his had been. It didn’t matter that he didn’t reply. All that mattered was the shy smile she could see forming on his lips.

They stood there in silence, watching the city lights, both of them with a smile on their faces.

Finally, Ben let out a sigh. “You wanna get out of here? I’ve done my deed, and from what I hear Hux nearly had a heart attack, so we’re basically done here I mean, if you want to go-“

“Yeah, alright,” she smiled up at him. He returned the smile and lead her back into the glass house.

They made it through the room without crossing path’s with Hux again, Rey felt very relieved. No doubt she would have shown him his place once again, but Rey knew that she should concentrate her energy for other things. Like how to not snap an ankle, or her exams, or Ben’s hand on her back.

Ben waved for the pageboy when they drew closer to the elevator, and the young man hastily brought them Rey’s coat. The trace of panic in the pageboys eyes reminded Rey of what the chef had told her. These people really had to be douchebags all the time to everyone _. But he isn’t one to you_ , the voice whispered, followed by the other, _don’t get hurt, don’t get hurt_.

They were mostly silent for the ride in the elevator and the walk to his car through the parking garage. Like the gentleman he was, Ben opened the passenger’s door for her and asking her again if the he got the address right. Like he hadn’t been in front of her building three times now. Like he hadn’t been there just hours ago.

They kept quite for the entirety of the car ride, but it was a pleasant silence, and it didn’t bother Rey at all. She was looking out the window, watching the city lights fly by, but every once in a while, she would catch a glimpse of Ben’s face in the reflection.

Rey doesn’t notice him slowing down at first, but when she does, she frowns. They couldn’t have possibly reached her apartment building already, but Ben stops the car nonetheless. A red light maybe, she muses, but when she turns to look out the windshield, her frown intensifies.

There were several police cars blocking the road, blue lights turned on. A few policemen were waving cars over and talking to drivers. One of them walked over to Ben’s car and Ben let down the window on his side of the car.

“Good evening, Officer. Is there something wrong?” he asked politely.

“Good evening, Sir. I’m afraid you can’t drive through, the whole city district is closed off,” the officer explained and then went on, telling them that several streets were evacuated. “They’ve found a dud shot, Sir. They are defusing it right now. It will probably take a few hours, before the residents can return home.”

Ben frowned and told him where they were headed, and Rey could see him watching her from the corner of his eye.

“I can’t let you through, Sir. It’s in the evacuated area and I have to ask you to check into a hotel nearby,” the officer says, and it’s clear that he is just following orders, but Rey can feel Ben getting frustrated. Rey put a hand on his shoulder, forcing him to turn to her.

“It’s ok, Ben. If-if it’s alright with you, I could crash at your place?" She was smiling at him, hoping that he would spare that poor officer and just let her crash at his place. That would definitely be the easiest solution, right? She sure as hell couldn’t afford to stay at a hotel and she did not want him to pay for her.

A series of emotions was flashing across Ben’s face, settling on one she couldn’t quite read.

Her persuasion seemed to have worked, because Ben was facing the officer much calmer than before.

“Alright, thank you for your service, Officer,” he breathed out and the officer seemed very relieved, because he was giving them a simple nod before moving to the next car.

“Are you sure, you’re okay with this?” Ben asked her silently, and suddenly sounding very insecure.

“Yeah, I mean, that’s really the only option, isn’t it? I can’t afford a hotel and I’m not waiting out here for hours, just to walk halfway through the city,” Rey chuckled.

“Right, right,” Ben said, and Rey couldn’t help but think that he somehow sounded … disappointed? Upset? Annoyed? She couldn’t put her finger on it, but he didn’t exactly sound happy, and Rey found herself chewing on the inside of her cheek.

Ben turned the car around and the ride to his apartment was just as silent, as before and Rey’s thoughts were racing. Maybe she shouldn’t have said that. Maybe she should have just said that she was fine sleeping on his couch. Maybe he thought she found him unbearable. It was driving her mad. She had to do _something_.

So, she swallowed her anxiety, swallowed her pride. “Ben, it’s fine, really. I actually like spending time with you. I don’t mind sleeping on your couch. What I said before … it got out all wrong.”

His hands were relaxing at her words, the knuckles white from the pressure he was gripping the steering wheel with before. “Okay,” was all he replied, but at least the tension had faded.

Working as the CFO at a company worth billions apparently had its perks, because the underground parking garage of his apartment building looked just like the one they had parked in earlier.

There were around twenty cars in the garage and all of them were very expensive brands she only recognized from magazines. Ben pulled onto the spot designated to him, and once again rushing out of the car to open the door for her.

It felt like history repeating itself, which was strange, because this history had only happened hours before, but Ben once again lead her towards an elevator, not saying a word.

Rey felt very relieved, when Ben did not push the button for the penthouse, though, but hits the one for the fifths of seven stories. She had to bite back a comment on that, to afraid to ruin his mood again.

When the elevator _binged_ and Ben stepped out into the hallway, he flashed her a look over his shoulder. “You coming?”

Rey could only nod, because she is overwhelmed with the luxury of just the hallway. If this was the hallway, what would his apartment look like? What would the penthouse look like? She didn’t want to know.

In front of his door, Ben came to a halt, fishing his keys out of the pocket of his jacket and flashing her a nervous smile. “Well, this is me.” With that, he opened the door and stepped inside, motioning for her to follow.

And Rey followed him, though very hesitantly, her jaw dropping. “No way,” was all she could breath out.

“Make yourself at home,” Ben told her, throwing his keys carelessly into a bowl on a small wooden table next to the door. It was probably mahogany, and Rey was afraid to come even near it, not wanting to scratch it.

She was overwhelmed. His apartment looked like it was taken out of a catalogue for high-end furniture.

The short hallway opened into a wide living room with adjoined kitchen. She could barely comprehend the luxury of it all. Everything was made out of the finest materials, the couch was black leather, the coffee table made out of steel and glass. His favor for darker colors was showing in his interior design, but it gave the place a modern albeit cold look. The countertops of his giant kitchen looked like marble, but Rey could only guess.

She could make out another hallway with several doors, but she wasn’t so rude as to go and inspect them. No, Rey was still stunned by the giant window, covering the whole wall. It gave her a view on the city skyline against the starless sky. It was beautiful and sad.

“Earth to Rey?”

Oh shit, had he been talking to her? “Uhm, what?” She flinched. “Sorry, I wasn’t listening. This place is amazing.”

Ben chuckled. “Here, let me show you the bedroom,” he said, then realizing the insinuation of his words and blushing hard. “Uhm, I mean, the guest room.”

He walked towards the hallway, and Rey didn’t hesitate to follow.

“This is my bedroom,” he explained. “This is the master bathroom, but there is an ensuite-bathroom for the guest bedroom.” When they reached the last door, he opened it and turned on the light. “And this is your room for the night.”

The room was just as beautiful and luxurious as the living area, although slightly friendlier. It even had a color-scheme that wasn’t black and grey.

Except for the wall that was just another giant window, the walls were covered in light grey plaster, with a dark blue accent covering the width of the bed’s headboard.

The bed was queen-sized and made out of dark wood, the sheets the same color as the accent on the wall and probably satin.

A dresser was pushed against a wall and made out of the same wood as the bed. The door to the bathroom was mirroring the one to the hallway.

Rey turned to Ban, still stunned. “It’s beautiful,” she exclaimed. “Thank you so much, for letting me stay here. I appreciate it, really!” Before she could help herself, she pulled him into a quick but tight hug.

“It’s the least I could do,” he mumbled. “Uhm, I’m gonna grab you something you can wear.”

Ben walked out of the room and Rey took the opportunity to finally take of those horrendous shoes.

He returned after a minute, carrying a dark grey t-shirt and black sweatpants, and Rey had to suppress a chuckle – both of them were probably way too big for her. She thanked him anyway.

They stood there, looking at each other awkwardly and neither of them knowing what to say.

Ben was the first to gather himself, and he nervously scratched the back of his head. “Uhm, well, if you need anything, just ask, alright?” He was blushing again, but so was Rey, so it didn’t really matter. “Goodnight, Rey,” he mumbled, before storming off again, leaving Rey all alone in his fancy guest bedroom.

She had no idea what just happened, but Rey was too exhausted to think about it, so she settled for taking his clothes and inspecting the bathroom.

When she stepped into the room, she could not suppress the hysterical laughter that came out of her chest. This was just too ridiculous.

She had envisioned a small room with a toilet, a sink and _maybe_ a shower, but _this_ … this was a full-grown bathroom, complete with two sinks, a shower _and_ tub, and the fanciest toilet she had ever seen. Of course, there was an enormous number of black tiles, but at this point it didn’t really come as a surprise.

Rey settled for a quick pee, splashing some water into her face and peeling herself out of the dress. It didn’t allow for a bra, so there was that. Eyeing the sweatpants, he had brought her, she decided that they would fit two Reys, so she only pulled on the shirt, which reached down to her midthigh and thus – ironically – covering her up more than the dress.

She folded the sweatpants and her dress and laid both over the edge of the tub. She walked back into the bedroom, turned on the light on the night cabinet, before turning off the main light and crawling into the bed.

With growing up in the foster system, Rey had a hard time to sleep in unfamiliar places. It was eerily quiet, which should have been soothing, but it wasn’t.

She tossed and turned for what seemed like hours, flinching at the smallest of noises.

_Fuck it._

Rey crawled out of the bed again, knowing that there was only one way, she would find any sleep tonight.

She sneaked across the hallway until she reached his door, not knowing why she was even sneaking, when she was going to knock on said door anyway.

Rey gave herself a mental pep talk, took a deep breath and knocked on his door. “Ben? Are you awake?”

She didn’t hear anything at first and was just about ready to crawl back into the bed in the guest bedroom, when she heard his sheets rustling, followed by steps, and then the door opening.

“What is it? Do you need anything?” Ben sounded concerned, and it did funny things with Reys heart. She had to swallow hard, when she gave him a once over, almost choking when she realized that he wasn’t wearing a shirt. _Damn_ , he was shredded.

“I – uhm,” Rey stuttered, her cheeks blushing. “Uhm, I-I can’t sleep well. At new places, I mean. Foster care and all. Uhm. Could – could I sleep with you?”

Ben’s eyes went wide, and Rey, realizing what exactly she just had said, blushed even harder. “I mean, like, next to you?”

Oh, if the ground would just open and swallow her whole, she wouldn’t be mad. She couldn’t look him in the eyes, and his chest was no alternative in this situation, so Rey inspected her feet.

He didn’t answer, and once again, Rey was ready to just turn around and crawl back into the other bed.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boi.  
> Yeah, that happened.
> 
> 1) We made it to 5k+ Hits and 400 kudos and I am forever grateful!  
> 2) I can't thank you enough for all your kind words and support.  
> 3) I am thankful to each and every one of you who takes the time to read this giant brainfart. Even if you don't comment, I am still thankful and I know that you are out there!  
> 4) You can always find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/shieldmaidenfreda) and ask me anything :) I love to interact with you guys!  
> 5) Yeah, this chapter clocks in at 5.5k words and is officially the longest chapter I have ever written. I can't and won't promise that the next chapters will be as long, but I will try :)  
> 6) This chapter has been a bit different from the others, with the change of POV at the beginning, but that was necessary due to the cut on the chapter before :)
> 
> Phew, I hope you liked it. Sorry to leave you with a 'cliffhanger' of sorts again. But honestly: #sorrynotsorry


	8. Leave the lights on

When Ben woke up, it was a gentle transition from a dreamless sleep into a state of staying in bed with his eyes closed. The kind of state you reach when you’re totally rested, utterly happy and just too content with yourself. Like when you could stay there forever, because it’s just too comfortable.

That was a state he hadn’t experienced in at least twenty years. He wasn’t complaining of course, but it was weird nonetheless.

He couldn’t quite put his finger on the cause of this state. His bed was comfortable, yes, but that was always the case and that was the least one could expect from a 7-grand piece of furniture. Right?

No, this was something else.

His bed was eerily warm. Maybe he was burning up? Maybe he had gotten ill because he hadn’t cared to put on a jacket?

No, that wasn’t it either.

Oh, maybe had just turned on the heater last night?

No, not that. There was something else … something _in_ his bed. In his glorious super king-sized bed.

And then it hit him like a truck with full speed and his eyes flew open.

 _Oh_.

Rey. Rey was in his bed. Suddenly he was very aware of the situation.

Rey was clinging to him, one arm flung across his stomach and shoved under his arm. Her head was resting on his very naked chest. His own hand was resting on her waist and there were soft snores coming out of her.

The events from the night before were rushing back into his mind.

 _Ben driving her home, to_ his _apartment. Ben showing her the guest bedroom._

_Rey hugging him. Ben bringing him his clothes._

_Ben lying awake, not able to find the sleep he so desired._

_A knock on his door. “Ben? Are you awake?”_

_His mind racing. Rey was at his door._ Rey _was at his_ door _. In the middle of the night. Fuck, what was he supposed to do? Just open the door? And then what? Was she … was she trying to seduce him?_

_That thought definitely went straight to his dick._

_But, what if she just needed another blanket? Or maybe a towel because she wanted to take a shower?_

_Surely that must be it, because otherwise she would have made a move earlier, right? Unless … unless the hug had been a move and had fucked it up? Like he always fucked everything up?_

_Oh fuck, he should probably answer the door. Whatever it was, he wouldn’t be able to do anything if he didn’t answer the door._

_Ben jumped out of the bed, tossing the covers aside, flipping on the light on his nightstand and crossing the room. He practically ripped the door open and his heart stopped, when he saw her._

_The small amount of light coming from the living room was enough for him to make out her face._

_She hadn’t put on the sweatpants, he had brought her. The shirt was big enough for her to drown in, but it was a sight he would remember for the rest of his life. She was beautiful wearing his clothes._

_“What is it? Do you need anything?” He tried to sound as casual as possible but failed phenomenal. How did he even manage to sound concerned, if all he could think about was how beautiful she was in his shirt and how it would feel like, to take that shirt off._

_He noticed how she was giving him a once-over and he suddenly found himself hoping, that she wouldn’t stare to long at his groin. Not that he didn’t want her to look at it, but… it would be rather embarrassing for the both of them right now._

_“I – uhm,”_ _Rey stuttered, her cheeks blushing._ _“Uhm, I-I can’t sleep well. At new places, I mean. Foster care and all. Uhm. Could – could I sleep with you?”_

_Oh. Wow. Was she …? Was she suggesting sex? A small part of him was celebrating, full-on cheering, but another part of him, a slightly bigger part was starting to panic. It had been some time since he had been … intimate with someone. His moves were probably a bit rusty. What if he couldn’t deliver? What if he would finish seconds into the act? That would ruin things for sure._

_“I mean, like, next to you?”_

_Oh. Rey was staring at her feet. Oh. He was stupid. Stupid. To think that she wanted to have sex with him, when she really meant sharing the bed on a platonic level. But maybe, just maybe she was shy and didn’t know how to get things started?_

_He just kept staring at her, his mind completely blank._

_Finally, finally after an eternity his brain started working again._

_“Uhm, yeah, sure, come on in,” he mumbled and immediately cursed himself. Real smooth, Ben, real smooth._

_Rey slowly walked by him, flashing him a grateful look, before she stopped at the footboard of his bed._

_He couldn’t see her face, but he just knew that she was biting her lip. “Uhm, on which side do you usually sleep?” Her voice was barely audible and near the point of breaking, and although Ben didn’t know why she sounded like this, he felt the need to pull her into his arms and hold her tight, to protect her from the world. But he kept himself from acting on that feeling, as he knew how not everyone welcomed the touch of someone else._

_“Doesn’t matter – just make yourself comfortable,” he answered softly. “Do you want the door open or closed?”_

_“Closed, please,” she mumbled in the same tiny voice as she climbed onto his bed, close to the edge of one side, and pulled the covers up to her chin. She curled herself into a tiny ball facing the wall._

_He did as she wished and carefully closed the door, before slowly walking towards the bed. He sat down on the unoccupied side of the bed, unsure what to do._

_This was not how he had expected the evening to go. It had truly been an emotional rollercoaster – anger over the street blockage, nervousness of bringing her here, excitement when she knocked on his door, just to realize that she wasn’t intending to sleep with him. What must have happened to her that she was unable to sleep alone in an unfamiliar place? That she rather shared a bed with someone she obviously despised so much, that she made herself as small as possible and thus creating the biggest possible gap between them?_

_But then again… she_ had _kissed_ him. _What was he to make of_ that _? He was receiving seriously mixed signals and he did not have the slightest clue as what to do._

_For now, he probably should lie down and try to get some sleep._

_“Just in case I snore… just hit me or something,” he joked, trying to lighten the mood as he mirrored her pose, just not as tightly curled up. He grabbed for the light switch of the small lamp on his nightstand, but before he could press the button he was interrupted by Rey._

_“Could you – do you mind leaving the light on?”_

_Once again, she was only whispering, and once again it broke his heart to hear her like this._

_“Yeah, sure, no problem,” he quickly responded. “I’ll just dim it down a bit, so it’s not so harsh. Is that okay?”_

_He didn’t get an immediate response, but then heard a “Yeah, thank you.”_

_Ben fumbled with the button of the lamp for a bit, finally choosing a setting bright enough to easily navigate through the room, but too dark to read a book._

_He kept listening to her breathing – the only sound in the room. It was strangely calming and relaxing, and it evened out, when she fell asleep, so did he._

_When he woke just two hours later, it was with a feeling of panic and he jolted from sleep._

_Something was_ wrong _._

_It took him a minute to realize what it was, but when he remembered Rey next to him and recognized that he wasn’t in any danger, he quickly understood the situation._

_She was having nightmares. Horrible, terrible nightmares. Her whole body was cramping uncontrollably, her face scrunched as if she were in pain. She was mumbling something, but apart from “no” and “come back” he couldn’t understand anything._

_Ben frowned. This didn’t sound like a regular nightmare. No, this sounded like reliving a traumatic experience – and Ben was an expert in these things. For years he hadn’t slept through the night, staying awake as long as possible before finally giving in and surrendering to his nightmares._

_It had taken him years of therapy, years of working through his shit, to get where he was. And even now his life was a piece of crap, but at least the nightmares were mostly gone. Mostly._

_So, he knew exactly what she was going through right now. Well, not exactly, but he knew how it felt and he didn’t want her too experience this, wanted to help her, to soothe her._

_He carefully brushed a few loose strands out of her face, before putting his hand lightly onto her shoulder, stroking up and down, hoping to soothe her._

_“Rey, you’re ok, I’ve got you, you’re safe,” he whispered reassuring, and then again and again. It seemed to help at first, but her nightmares didn’t stop and instead she made a whimpering sound._

_“Shhhh, hey, you’re safe, I’ve got you, Rey, I’ve got you,” he kept telling her, louder this time, but still as soft as possible._

_Rey winced, but her eyes flew open and she was awake. She stared at him, with wide eyes, biting her lip and one hand coming up to wipe the tears away._

_She looked like she wanted to say something, but when she opened her mouth, all that came out was “uuuhm”._

_He offered her an understanding smile, still touching her shoulder. “It’s okay, Rey. You don’t have to explain anything,” he whispered. “But you’re safe here, nothing and nobody will harm you, I promise.”_

_She looked at him, staring right into his soul and he could only hope that she would find that she could trust him. That she was truly safe here._

_And then, within the blink of an eye, she buried her head in the crook of his neck, one arm slung tightly around him and pressing herself against him._

_“Thank you,” Rey whispered against his throat._

_Not knowing what to say, he just put his arm around her, his hand flat on her back, tracing soothing patterns._

_He only allowed himself to relax, when he felt Rey’s breathing even out once again. He just hoped, that her sleep would be more restful, dreamless or maybe even filled with good ones._

_With her pulled so close to him, he knew that he would wake up immediately should she have nightmares again, and although it took some time, sleep eventually found him._

Right.

Rey’s horrible nightmares. He could only hope, that her sleep had been peaceful after falling asleep again. She didn’t deserve nightmares.

Ben turned his head, trying to catch a glimpse at the clock to find out how late it was. It was already bright outside, the sun warm against his skin and almost blinding in his eyes.

Rey stirred, the movement slowly waking her up.

He could pinpoint the exact moment she realized where she was and who was under her.

Her whole body fell stiff, so much so, that she could have been easily made of wood.

Ben bit his lip to suppress a chuckle, which got ultimately harder, when she tried to scurry away from him. She pulled the arm that had been slung around him to her, slowly and careful, as if he wear a predator and she his prey. Like a wolf and a deer.

He didn’t let her move away though, his arm holding her still.

Rey huffed audibly, probably frowning, and twisted herself so she could reach the arm that was trapping her.

At first, she was trying to slightly push it away, but she soon found out that that wasn’t working, so she deviated to forcefully pulling and pushing, to a point where it dawned her that _maybe_ he wasn’t asleep.

He watched her head turn slowly towards him, knowing what she would find but dreading it all the same.

Ben felt his mouth twitching, the corners curling upwards. He raised an eyebrow for good measure and when she was finally facing him, she had a crooked smile plastered onto her face, the brows furrowed, giving an overall awkward expression.

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” he chuckled, all his insecurities from earlier gone at the comedy of her reaction.

“Mornin’,” she reciprocated grumpily, the forced smiled vanishing into a thin, hard line and her forehead wrinkling.

Ben finally let her go from his grasp, and Rey immediately sitting up in one quick motion. “You’ve got some coffee?”

He tried to suppress his chuckle once again, resulting in an awkward snort. “Not a morning-person, I take it?”

She just shot him a glance that was as cold as ice.

Raising his hands in surrender, slowly rolling out of the bed. “There should be towels in the bathroom, if you want to take a shower. I’ll make the coffee in the meantime,” he offered, fishing a t-shirt out of his dresser and pulling it over his head. “Or do you want hot chocolate? I don’t have any sprinkles, though.” He turned half way around to search for a non-verbal answer. Instead he found Rey staring at him. Not his face, like you would do in a conversation, like a polite adult, no, staring at his body, like he was some piece of meat. Not that it bothered him, but … he really didn’t know how to act at mixed signals.

“Uhm, no, coffee is fine actually. I just don’t drink it after 4 o’clock, except when I have to study, but otherwise I can’t sleep,” she blurted out, suddenly very vocal.

“Okay then,” he smiled at her, trying to be reassuring. “As I said before – just make yourself at home.”

Reaching the door, he paused for a second, throwing Rey a look over his shoulder. “Actually, I’ll take a quick shower myself. Would you mind using the other bathroom? There’s towels and everything.”

He waited for Rey’s confirmation, and made his way to the master bathroom, when he finally got it.

The room could be described as over the top or extra, and honestly, Ben had been living in this apartment for five years and probably only used half of the functions of his shower. If it had been his choice, he would have chosen a simple bathroom, one shower, no need for a tub, but since money hadn’t been a problem and he had desperately needed a new place, a new start, he had bought the apartment after one quick look.

The tub – still untouched – was located right in front of the floor-to-ceiling window, theoretically giving the one taking a bath a view over the city. It split the room in two, both in length and width, with the twin sinks and mirror across the room from the window. The toilet was on the opposite wall as the shower but hidden through strategically placed walls.

Ben went straight to the shower, stripping down his sleeping-pants and boxers and carelessly throwing them into the hamper.

His shower routine was a quick one, the only thing he took his time with was his hair, and even that was rather quickly done. The secret lay in one special – and exorbitant expensive – shampoo and conditioner combination, which were worth every penny. Blindly he fumbled with the settings of his shower, finding his usual setting with pure muscle memory.

He always kept some clothes in the bathroom, a relict from living with Poe in college, and after Ben threw them on, he quickly brushed his teeth, rubbed his hair one last time with a towel and left the bathroom.

As suspected, he had been in and out of the bathroom, before Rey had even walked over to the guest bathroom, and Ben internally smirked at that. So, she really wasn’t a morning person after all.

Ben turned the coffeemaker on, setting it to make a whole pot of coffee, and while it ground the beans, he took a look at his fridge, looking for _something_ he could offer as breakfast.

The fridge was in a very depressing state, though, since he had lately almost every night ordered takeout. There were a few leftovers from the Mandalorian food, he had a few nights ago, but he doubted that that would be anything near enough to feed them both – or still edible.

He spotted a carton of eggs and some bacon that was still good, so he settled on making scrambled eggs. While he prepared the food, frying the bacon and then the eggs, he listened to the sound of Rey taking a shower, and then quietly tapping through his apartment to join him in the kitchen.

Turning around, he smirked at her – she was still wearing the shirt, he had given her, and made a turban out of a towel to dry her hair.

“I hope you’re hungry,” he offered. The coffeemaker beeped, announcing the coffee to be ready and he put the pot and two mugs on the kitchen counter. “Sugar? Milk?”

“Both, please,” Rey smiled back. “And honestly – I am offended. I am always hungry, I thought you knew that by now.” She hopped onto the counter, sitting next to the coffee and pouring herself one, with a generous amount of milk and not one but three teaspoons of sugar. He raised an eyebrow at that and couldn’t do anything about the disgusted look on his face.

“Hey! You told me to make myself at home,” Rey protested between two sips.

“Yeah, I guess I did, didn’t I?” he sighed, then turned around again and separated the eggs and bacon into two portions of the same size, placing the food on two plates and handing her one wordlessly.

Ben had seen some stuff in his life. Some seriously crazy stuff. But never had he seen such a tiny person eat so much in such a short amount of time. She had finished her plate in the matter of seconds, or so it seemed, and when she did so, she let out one satisfied burp. It didn’t even come as a surprise that she did not apologize for it. He shook his head and put some of the eggs into his mouth, before a thought caught his attention. He probably shouldn’t, but… he wanted to make sure she was alright.

"About last night...," he began, unsure of what he wanted to say.

Rey’s eyes shot up to meet his, wide but not afraid. Before she spoke, she chewed on her lip.

"I - I grew up in foster care. I was pushed around from one home to the next and ... Well, it wasn't good. All the stuff you hear about foster homes, it's true. Worse even," she explained with a sigh. "They found me, when I was about five or six. I actually don't know my birthday, or who my parents were. It's suspected that they were addicts, but nobody knows what exactly happened. I - I don't remember much of them, only them leaving me behind."

"Rey, you don't have to tell me that, it's okay," he mumbled, “I just wanted to make sure that you’re okay.” He didn't pity her, but he would have if she weren't so brave and fierce. She hadn't said the words devoid of emotion, but neither was she about to cry. It was the sad truth of her life, but it was a fact and pitying her wouldn't do anything for her.

"It's okay, I want to tell you," Rey smiled at him. "I had to be tough, I'm not going to lie, and it certainly wasn't easy. But I'm a stronger person because of it."

Searching his eyes for ... Something, she stared right into his soul and Ben felt somehow proud of her. She was so brave and strong, and he admired her for it.

"The last home I stayed at was probably the worst. The guy running the place was a pig. He had us work at his junkyard, sometimes we had to repair stuff. Of course, we didn't get paid or anything. He said that it was our duty, that otherwise we didn't deserve food or a bed to sleep in. I was close with one of the older boys, and I suppose we were dating, but it never went anywhere beyond making out. He tried to get me to sleep with him, and when I wouldn't, because I wasn't ready he dumped me. We had plans to run away together, but the day after he ended things, he just left. Without a word, just left me behind. There were other boys, of course, when I recovered, but each and every one of them broke my heart. That's the reason I'm not dating."

She tilted her head to the side until it made a nasty cracking sound. “Anyway, it’s just a combination of all that shit, I guess. Abandonment issues and not feeling super safe at new places,” she smiled at him and when he opened his mouth to apologize, she interrupted him, before he could bring out even on syllable. “Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault. It’s just how it is. I would go and _see_ a therapist, but my insurance doesn’t cover that, so I’ll just have to deal with it on my own.”

Ben observed her face, and although her story was, she didn’t let it show that it was such a huge part of her life and of who she was. He made a mental note to research free therapy-projects, maybe some counselors who had free spots. Maybe he would even pay for it himself – she would never allow that, though, so he would probably have to bribe the shrink or something.

"Sooo, about that favor that you owe me...," Rey began, her voice suddenly insecure, complete opposite of before – which was kind of ironic.

"What about it?" He shrugged. "Anything you want. Hux is going to suffer for quite some time. Thanks to you."

"Yeah, so, uhm. There's always a party at the end of the semester. For all students of the department. I need you to be my big, scary boyfriend," she explained.

Ben raised an eyebrow. "And why exactly? Sounds like there is a reason you're not telling me."

"Well, actually, there's this guy," she mumbled, her cheeks blushing furiously, with what Ben thought was embarrassment.

"Aaah, there's always a guy," he mused, trying to not sound jealous or hurt or disappointed.

But Ben was mistaken, very mistaken. Because as it turned out, Rey's face was red not because she was embarrassed, but because she was raging.

"Yeah, this dickhead, Matt. God, I'm going to kill him one day. I've met him on one of my first days, he also just started studying here, in my department. And we had a few lectures together, and not before long we had the same group of friends and I thought we were friends. But boy was I wrong," she blurted out, her voice filled with acid. "So, imagine, we've been friends, not even real friends, just casual friends, and I don't know, hoe it happened, but one day we're hanging out together, outside the university - you know, there is a church right across the street, and for some reason, we're standing right in front of it." Rey paused, taking a deep breath, her jaw clenching. "And he fucking tells me, that he loves me, that I am his one true love, that he will wait for as long as it takes. Like, I didn't even know his last name at that point. And he tells me, I'm the one for him and it's super awkward, because I see our friends approaching. So, I tell him 'Matt, I think, it's better if we're just friends' and that I think that he should look for someone else."

She took another deep breath, her eyes finally meeting his, and he's staring at her with mixed feelings. Jealous for whatever reason, but also awestruck with the purity of her rage.

"And i honestly thought that that was it. But boy, i was wrong once again," she chuckles without smiling. It sounded bitter.

"So, a few weeks pass, and everything is back to normal - or so I thought, and I'm studying at the library and Matt walks in. And he sits down right across from me. And at first, he says nothing. But then he tells me, hoe he still loves me and that 'we can't go on like this' and that I should just admit my feelings, that i should just accept them. And - okay, so one of the girls from our group, Jessika, she has a crush on him, and I'm one of the few people who know that - so, I tell him, that he should look for someone else, maybe even in our group. I'm hinting big time at him, but he just keeps telling me, that I'm the one for him. And at that point he is almost yelling. In the library. And I can feel everyone starting at us."

Rey shook her head, the expression on her face sour and Ben was unable to do anything but listen to her tale.

"So, at this point I don't see another way, so I just tell him, that I'm done with men and I'm more into chicks than dicks. I mean, that would settle things, right?" Her eyes were piercing his soul and before he could even comprehend what she just said, that she was into girls and not guys, that he would never have a chance with her, she kept on going.

"But I was wrong - again. He had the audacity to tell me, that I was fooling myself, that I was lying to myself, that I wasn't interested in girls, that i just said that to make him beg. And he tells me that he knows that I'm into him and walls away."

"Wow," was all he could bring out. "That guy is really -"

"Annoying? Yes. But it gets better. A few weeks later, he asks me to dine with him and some friends. And i was full-on panicking because I thought that maybe he was tricking me or something. But he wasn't, and in the end, we had dinner with a group of 10 and i was sitting as far from him as I possibly could. But the next day, I wake up to a wall of text on my phone." Rey waved her hands around in an uncontrolled manner, trying to symbolize the amount of text she had gotten from this Matt. Ben didn't know him, but he hated him already. For multiple reasons.

"And he goes on and on in his text, that i was such a bitch for not talking to him, for ignoring him. That he loved me once, but doesn't anymore, that he just wants to move on and that I should stop lying to myself. That I got caught in the spiderweb of lies I build around me and that it’s a fragile construct and whatnot - what does that even mean? Seriously, he went on for four pages of text. I can show you, if you want, it’s unbelievable."

Rey signed. "Anyway, this is where you come in. I actually don't trust him to leave me alone, this has been going on for far too long. So maybe, if you're there with me, you could scare him enough to leave me alone?" She sounded hopeful and Ben found himself nodding before he could think about it. He would do anything to keep that jerk away from her. And if that meant he could spend some more time with her, well, he would do it gladly.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have you heard [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCntEnZD3NE) because it’s super fitting for their late-night-cuddles.
> 
> Haaah, you guys. You're amazing!
> 
> Matt though, right? I wish, this was made up, but in fact, this is very tightly based on something that happened to my best friend, and he really did not understand that she did not want to date him. And it all ended with a text that would probably span across pages. Just accept it, dude. She's not into you.
> 
> As for future updates: I can't promise you anything, right now, as I'm starting my job tomorrow. But I hope to get some shit done, because I'll have to commute for ~an hour, in the morning and evening. So fingers-crossed, maybe I can keep up with one chapter a week. I do hope so!
> 
>  
> 
> Also: this puts us over 25k, which was on my "30 before 30" list. So, I guess my new goal is to reach 50k, right? We'll see how that one goes. :D
> 
> Let me know, what you think!


	9. Exam from hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops. What's this?
> 
> First of all, I want to apologize for taking so, so long. As I've mentiones somewhere around April/May, I started my job and I'm working shifts and commuting and holy hell, I'm exhausted all the time. As it goes with changes, I always take some time to get my sh*t together, but please know that I am very, very sorry.  
> I'm trying to write as much as I can on my way to work, so the next update hopefully won't take long.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this!
> 
> I also would like to take the opportunity and give y'all a giant THANK YOU for sticking with me through this time! You guys are amazing!

Time before exams basically flew by and Rey spent her days with her nose in several different books. Between studying for exams, her lectures and her job she really didn't have time for anything else. Finn and Poe knew this and had the decency not to bother her too much - apart from the occasional pep talk they mostly kept quiet. Her boss had been kind enough to minimize her hours for the time around exams ("don't worry, kid, you'll have plenty of time to work extra hours after exams to catch up.").

So, Rey found herself in a seemingly endless cycle of studying, only broken by short strings of text messages between her and Ben.

Things had kind of ... changed. It was a subtle, almost unnoticeable change and if Rey hadn't witnessed the trigger for this change, she might have not noticed it.

But she had told him her story, she had opened up, and if she could afford a therapist - well, that therapist would be proud of her right now. She had taken a leap of faith and Ben hadn't been weird about it. He had been understanding, hadn't abandoned her. Sure, at first, he obviously didn't know how to react, how to comprehend, but as soon as he had heard all of her story, he understood. He simply understood.

They didn't see each other, as he was also busy with work, but somewhere between the night she had spent at his apartment and everything else, they had made plans to hang out and watch a movie or something - as friends.

 

The last few days before her exams were basically hell. Her nutrition consisted of coffee, energy drinks and microwave-meals, as she couldn't spare the time to actually cook. Constantly sleep-deprived and developing one or another nervous tick, Rey was hanging on by a thread and she counted herself lucky to call Ben her friend. He seemed to always know what to say, when to make her laugh and tell her to take a break and when to verbally kick her ass.

On every day she had an exam, he would send her a motivational text and tell her how good she was prepared and that she needn't be freaking out. And it helped. Except for exam for Prof. Holdo. He tried, though, to his credit. But it didn't help. At all.

Rey just had this feeling that this exam would go horribly. She felt it in her guts, no matter how often she reminded herself that she had studied enough and knew all about the topics.

Ben was quickly becoming one of her closest friends. And that wasn't where the change stopped, but Rey could not afford to get into that train of though.

The day of the exam was a mess all by itself. Although she went to bed early the night before, sleep hadn't come for hours. Rey had spent the night rolling from one side to the other and every time sleep was finally claiming her, she would jolt awake in the fear of forgetting something. When she finally, finally was too exhausted, her sleep was plagued by nightmares.

So, when Rey woke up that morning to her shrieking alarm, she felt like she hadn't slept in days and like she had been hit by a bus. Coffee didn't do much and to make things worse, she kind of just _lost_ thirty minutes between showering and drinking her coffee, resulting in almost being late if she hadn't run like a crazy woman to campus.

The exam itself wasn't great either. Sure, she had everything that she needed with her - three pens, a pencil, an eraser, her calculator, something to drink and some chocolate for when she needed a sugar-boost.

But the huge stacks of paper, that were waiting on the tables for each student were terrifying.

Rey felt her heart race, when she sat down and tried desperatley to calm down. Looking around, she saw that she wasn't the only one who was freaking out and that detail gave her some comfort. At least, she wouldn't be the only one to fail this.

When the professor signaled them to start - writing the ending time on the chalkboard, for everyone to see - it took Rey a few heartbeats to free herself from the panic. Everyone around her was already flicking through the paper stack and every now and then you would hear someone groan.

With a sudden spike of her adrenalin, Rey snapped out of it, and focused on her exam. She went through the exam, only answering the questions she knew the answer to right away and marking questions she would have to spend more time on. This was her usual technique for getting through harder exams and it usually worked out great for her.

By the time the first hour had passed, Rey felt like she was going to die. Her head felt like it was exploding, her eyes couldn't focus on the text in front of her, her neck was straining, and her hand was just hurting so badly.

She had to remind herself to take a sip of water every once in a while. The air in the room was certainly helping with her head, but she just had to power through this exam. She had to.

Somewhere around half time, the first students were giving up, their faces pale with dark circles under their eyes and devastation dripping from their body language. To make things worse, Holdo scolded them with a look that just read "You're a disgrace to this university".

With only fifteen minutes left on the clock, Rey had answered all the questions and doublechecked her answers twice. Although she knew better than to count her potential score, she did anyway. Full points for answers she was confident to have answered right, and half scores for questions she had her doubts about. There were still a few questions, she didn't know she had answered correctly, which lead to a final score of "I have no idea if I passed this exam".

Not having the strength to go through the exam again, she threw her stuff into her bag, gathered the stack of paper and brought it to the desk in the front of the classroom. Holdo gave her a short nod and Rey somehow managed a semi-decent smile in response, not wanting to ridicule herself in front of her Professor.

She left the room and building as fast as she could without running and placed herself in front of the building on a bench, waiting for Rose.

It didn't take the other girl too long to follow her, and when she found Rey, she planted herself next to her and wasted no time in asking her how the exam went.

Rey shrugged her shoulders. "Honestly, I have no idea. Could go either way, but I don't want to get my hopes up."

"Oooh, damn. I'm sorry, but I actually have a pretty good feeling about this. I don't expect anything above a B, but I think I did pretty good." Rey could hear and see how uncomfortable her friend was and forced a smile onto her face. "It's okay, I'm glad you did so good. At least one of us didn't fuck up."

“Hey, you easily passed too. I bet, you did.,” Rose did her best to lighten up Rey’s mood.

“We’ll see, but let’s not talk about it anymore – the semester is finally over,” she tried to change the topic and chuckled, when Rose let out an exhausted groan.

“Yessss, finally,” Rose sighed. “Hey, do you want to come with me? Some of the guys invited me, they are going to celebrate the end of the semester with some drinks.”

After a moment of hesitation, Rey found herself nodding. “Yeah, sure. Why not?”

“That’s the spirit,” the other girl chirped. “

 

They met up about an hour later at a bar near campus. It was still way too early to drink anything, but it was after five somewhere, right?

Rey had hurried home, mostly to put her bad away, but also to slip into something that wasn’t screaming “I just finished one of the worst exams in my life”. She settled on a pair of washed out, high waisted jeans and a black cropped Henley shirt with long sleeves and with a bit of concealer-magic and mascara she managed to make herself presentable.

When she was done, she risked a look on her phone for the first time since the exam, and what she saw made her heart ache. She had 15 new messages in three chats.

Finn:

**Peanut!? Are you done?**

**Peanut! How did it go?**

**Are you done yet?**

**Peanut!**

**Are you still alive?!**

**PEANUT!**

**PEANUT!**

**CALL ME**

**OR TEXT ME**

**I DON’T CARE**

**pls?**

 

Poe:

**Hey sweetie, how did the exam go?**

**Finn is freaking out**

**Pls answer him**

 

And lastly from Ben:

**Rey, I hope everything went as planned and I am sure you gave it everything. No matter how it went, know that I am very proud of you.**

Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath, before she found the strength to answer the texts. To Finn and Poe, she wrote basically the same, that she wasn’t sure how it went, but that she hoped for the best. To Ben she only texted a quick **thanks**. The longer Rey thought about the exam, the surer she was that she failed. And she had this creeping fear to disappoint Ben, although she had no idea where that came from.

 

The bar was already filled with roaring students, most of them already drunk. It took Rey a moment to orient, but when she spotted Rose, she made her way over to the booth her friend was sitting in. The girl already had a pitcher of beer on the table, and when Rey joined her, she filled up a glass for her.

“Thanks,” Rey smiled at her.

“Oh, no problem. I also ordered some fries. Should be here any minute.”

It really took a few more minutes for the waitress to bring the fries, but that didn’t stop Rey from finishing her first beer.

“So, what are your plans for the break?” Rey asked, stuffing fries into her mouth and drowning them with some more beer. She could get used to this.

“I’m visiting my sister. We’ll probably just chillax the whole time. I’m _so_ exhausted.” Rose joined her in munching fries. “How about you,” she asked between bites.

“I guess, I’ll mostly work. Do some stuff with my friends, you know?”

“What about your boyfriend?” Rose asked, with a raised eyebrow. _Shit_.

“Yeah, we’ll spend some time, too. But he has to work, so there’s that,” Rey shrugged. Please just let it be. _Please, please, please._

Rose took another gulp of beer. “So, have guys done the deed yet?”

_What the heck?_ Rey coughed, almost suffocating on fries and beer. She could feel her cheeks blush, and it wasn’t because of the lack of oxygen. “Uhmmmm,” was all she could mumble, blushing even harder.

“Oh, come on, Rey. Spill the beans! Is he any good?”

“I … uhm … actually … we haven’t yet…,” she pressed out, before emptying her glass in one long go.

“Are you kidding? No way!” Rose sounded shocked, even slammed her hand on the table, before leaning over, looking at Rey with a confused look. “How have you not climbed that tree yet?”

“Could you maybe not scream so much?” Was it possible to be even more humiliated?

“Fine,” Rose sighed, rolling her eyes. “But honestly, Rey. Wait, he isn’t _that_ old, right? You know, everything is still functioning, right?”

“Oh my god,” Rey let out. “Rose! Shut up!” She lowered her voice, so only her friend could hear her. “I actually … I’ve never slept with anyone.”

She watched her friend’s eyes widen even more. “Please, it’s not a big deal, okay,” she whispered.

Rose took another sip of beer, before putting the glass on the table and straightening up a bit.

“Okay, look. Your innocence is yours to give, and you should not let anyone pressure you into something you don’t want. But damn, your man is _hoooot_. And from what you’ve told me, he seems like a really sweet guy,” Rose analyzed. “There are worse candidates. My first was a total disaster, and believe me, it helps if he knows what he’s doing. A lot.”

The girls sat in silence for a bit, each of them pretending to be very interested in their beer and the fries. Rey’s thoughts were racing, and when she couldn’t stand it anymore, the words just burst out of her.

“How would I … like … climb that tree,” she whispered. Realizing, how her question sounded, she quickly added: “Like, I mean, I know the technical … necessities and stuff, but-“

“I’ve got you, girl,” Rose interrupted her. “There are a few ways, you could _initiate_. But here’s what I would do: You put on some nice underwear, you make out with him, you get on his lap and, like, grind down on him? You could always take off your shirt, if he doesn’t get the memo. Or you take off his shirt. Maybe all three off them. If he doesn’t want you then, I don’t know what’s wrong with him.”

Rose looked very pleased with herself. “Yeah, that should work. Men love it, when you show initiative.”

“But how do I know, if he wants me like that?” Rey knitted her brows together. Theoretically, yes, everything Rose had said, made sense. But what if he didn’t want her? Every time they made out, it had been in front of other people. The biggest challenge would be, to get him to make out with her, while being _alone_. How did she know, that he didn’t just sit her as a friend?

“When you guys make out – how does he kiss you,” Rose inquired, taking another sip of beer.

Rey felt her cheeks heat up again and she was sure, her face reached the color of some overly ripe tomato. Before she could answer, Rose put up a finger to shush her. “Your blush says everything, Rey. If he kisses you like that, he wants you. Simple math.”

They kept chatting for a while about “girls stuff”, before changing topics. Somewhere around the third pitcher, Rey felt the urge to go pee and excused herself for a moment. The bar was buzzing with sound and it was already getting dark outside. When had it become so late, she wondered.

In the quiet of the bathroom, Rey felt all of her earlier anxiety crashing back. One big wave of feeling like a total failure, of not knowing whether she failed or passed that hell of an exam. The bad taste of lying to her friends for weeks, even to Rose.

Before she knew it, she shot Rose a quick text, saying she wasn’t feeling well and would be heading home. She left some money with the waitress, to pay her part of the bill, before making it out of the bar.

It was indeed already dark outside, and a quick glance at her phone told her that it was past eight.

The cold air was definitely helping her, clear her mind, but she already could feel the tears rise behind her eyes again. She didn’t feel like going home, so she opted for just walking around town a bit, just clearing her head and getting some air. She wasn’t too drunk and felt confident that she still could defend herself, should it be necessary.

Rey had no clue, how long she was walking, or even where. Sometimes her vision would be blurry from the tears, and she kept her eyes on the ground anyway, so she was a bit confused, when she ended up in front of an apartment building. It took her a moment to realize, where exactly she was, and when she did, she felt herself moving through the lobby and straight to the elevator.

There was a moment, while she was riding the lift, where she was overcome with serious self-doubts. “What the hell am I even doing here,” she muttered. The only answer was the _ping_ of the elevator, and she felt herself moving again.

If you had asked her, which apartment was his, she wouldn’t have been able to answer the question. But somehow, her subconsciousness had saved that information.

She stood in front of his door for several minutes, debating whether to knock or not. Fighting back the tears again, Rey took a deep breath, before finally knocking.

A moment of agonizing silence passed, before she heard him move inside. When he got closer to the door, he was growling something, about how “this better be important, Hux.”.

The door flew open and Rey bit her lip. He was dressed in a pair of dark grey sweatpants, riding low on his hips, and a tight fitting black t-shirt.

“Rey,” he sounded surprised and opened the door a bit further. “Are you okay? Is everything alright?”

"I'm sorry, I didn't know where to go, I -" Her voice broke off, not that it had been very audible anyway. She took a shaking breath, before trying again. “Can I come in?”

“Of course,” he answered immediately, looking a bit panicked. He guided her towards his couch, that was covered in papers and folders.

“You’re working,” she said. It wasn’t a question. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be bothering you.”

“Don’t worry about it, I was finishing up anyway.” Rey could tell that he was lying, but didn’t say anything, while Ben was throwing the folders carelessly on the ground.

“Please, take a seat. I’ll be right back with some water for you,” he promised.

Rey did as she was told and just sank down on the couch, pulling her knees to her chest and curling up into a sobbing, messy ball.

She heard him come back into the living room, heard how he put a glass full of water onto the table and how he sat down beside her, keeping a decent amount of distance. Who could blame him? He couldn’t possibly understand what was going on. And so, the words just cam out, in an unstoppable flood she couldn’t have stopped if she wanted to.

"I just... I don't know, it's so much, it's too much. I used to have dreams. I used to know exactly what I want and somewhere along the line I forgot that, and it feels like I lost a part of myself. I'm not moving forward, it feels like I'm standing still, and I don't know where to go or what will happen. I don't even know what I want to happen anymore. And it sucks so much. I feel so lost all the time and I somehow turned into this person, that I don't recognize anymore. I'm lying to my friends. God, I can't even be honest with the only people who love me." She couldn't stop sobbing. "I'm so pathetic." That she mostly whispered to herself and partly hoped, that he hadn't heard her.

"And now I'm rambling to my pretend-boyfriend. That's what I've become... great..."

She couldn't stop crying and her body started shaking - her arms slung around her, as if she was willing it to still.

"Rey," Ben let out. His voice only a whisper. "I'm sorry, that you feel that way."

She heard him move but didn't fully realize that he came to sit down next to her, until she felt his arm around her shoulder.

"It's not too late, to reinvent yourself. Or to take a step back and think about what you want. You're not pathetic -" Oh. So, he _had_ heard. Great. "- In fact, you're anything but. You're one of the strongest, fiercest people I know, and I feel very confident in saying, that you will find your place in all of this."

Rey didn't even have the strength to fight him, so she just sat there, letting Ben pull her closer into a very comfortable embrace, and letting his words wash over her.

"What's the worst thing, that could happen? You take a year off. Loads of people do that. You change fields. Same - a lot of people do that, it's not a waste of time. Actually, I think it takes a lot of guts. And i know a lot of people who did. My uncle was a farmer, when he was younger. Later he went on and became a teacher. My ... father started out working for a delivery service, now he owns a workshop. And for what it's worth - I’m thinking about leaving my company. Heck, the whole field I’m working in. And you're actually the reason for it. You've inspired me, to be a better person."

He chuckled, more to himself than to her though. "Who would have thought? Kylo Ren leaving the First Order. And - as you like to remind me - I’m old. So, if i can do it, then you have all the time in the world to figure out, what you want and what's right for you. You know, it's all a big journey. My father used to tell me this - and I can't believe I'm actually quoting him. But you know, he was right. I mean, look at me. I am, as you like to remind me, an old man - but I'm thinking about leaving the company and starting over. I have no idea, what I'm going to do, but sometimes that's just how it goes. Maybe it will be a disaster, maybe it will be the biggest mistake of my life, but maybe it will work out for the best."

Somewhere during his monologue, he had begun to stroke her hair and Rey couldn't help herself and leaned into his embrace, uncurling herself a bit and resting her head on his chest, listening to his breath, the beating of his heart and the soothing rumble of his voice.

"Maybe you failed the exam. So what? You'll do it again and you'll pass next time. You can take some time off and think about what you want in life. Nobody will care, if you take a year off of school and take care of yourself." Ben stopped talking for a second, and although she couldn't see his face, she knew he was hesitating.

"If... if you want, we can come clean to Poe and his boyfriend anytime. If that's ... if that's what you want, you just have to say the word. But know this: Lying to your friends about this one thing doesn't make you a bad person either. Honestly, they deserve it, especially Dameron. He shouldn't have bothered you with his relationship-crap. And Rey. You're allowed to mess up every once in a while. It's only human."

After he ended his speech, they both sat there in silence, huddled together in a tight knot on his giant couch. Rey thought about his words and turned them over in her head, inspecting them from different angles. Maybe... Maybe he was right. Maybe this wasn't the end of the world. Maybe she just needed to take some time off and figure shit out. One thing she was certain about, though. And that thing was both scary and exciting at the same time. She liked Ben. And she liked him more than just a friend. And if she had the balls and if she weren't a total snotty mess right now, she would have maybe considered making a move. But that was out of the question, at least for now. And anyway, it wasn't like he was interested, right? He probably saw her as a little sister or something.

Slowly she realized, that he must have asked her something, because he was angling his head to look her in the eyes, his expression questioning.

"Are you feeling better?" he asked again.

Rey chewed on her lower lip for a moment, before answering. "I... I think. I'm not great, exactly, but... I think I'll manage."

She hated how weak her voice sounded right now.

"Hey, if i can help you in anyway, just say the word," he smiled at her.

For the first time in hours, she felt somewhat of a smile curl onto her lips. "Thank you. You've already helped. A lot," she said in earnest. "Really, I'm so thankful."

Was he blushing? "It's nothing. That's what friends are for, right?"

Ah. There it was. Friends.

"Yeah, sure," she murmured, trying to hide her disappointment.

"So, uhm. You should probably get some sleep, though. You've had a hell of a day and can probably use it. The party is tomorrow, right?"

Rey only nodded.

"Okay, so, make yourself at home. Take whatever you need. I'll just finish up some of the paper work, then I'll go sleep, too."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> I'll try and post at least once a week, but I can't make any promises - so please don't hate me :'D  
> Feedback helps a lot, so please tell me what you think!
> 
> You can always find me on tumblr [here](https://shieldmaidenfreda.tumblr.com/).  
> I post and reblog some Reylo-Stuff, but as of now I mostly use it to keep you guys posted on the progress of this baby. :)


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